my life in singapore

last year last sem

2007-02-03T23:26:00.000+08:00

it has been months since i last updated...a lots of things happened...going to end course isnt a easy way to go... need to really buck up my work.this sem i dun know y i dun have the urge to open my book and revise as early and prepare for my exam...now on the cny mood...haha..a brand new year hopefully everything end up well..

failed again...

2006-10-10T09:05:00.000+08:00

sianz...i failed again....what happened to me these days?feel like crying but it just cant get out from my eyes....sianz...today not in a very good mood....sianz...can somebody cheer me up?just being my listener can do...feel like giving up le.....my fault??i didnt put in enuf effort?what exactly is enuf?very disappointed in myself.....

the world is full of ups and down,
some can climb up the mountain smoothly and some cant,
which am i?
do i belong to the one who will forever not reach the top of the mountain?

am i doing the right or wrong thing?

2006-10-03T12:43:00.000+08:00

am i doing the right or wrong things?
why does it have to end up like this?
is it my fault?
am i expect too much from myself and from others?
does things happened coz of me?
ah.......
getting so stress up,
wat to do?
what is she going to say to the rest?
will it make things worst or better?

pract test...

2006-10-02T12:19:00.000+08:00

pract test today...i was veyr disappointed with myself.how can i have such a silly mistake???one single mistake and i failed...i can blame noone....i was there hoping for ETT intubation or suctioning..haiz..re test on next week...tuesday.well,a second attempt isnt something which is not expected for me but maybe i was hoping that i can do it smoothly on my first attempt...haiz...y am i hoping so much from myself??i am really trying my best to be a good in my pract and y cant i?everytime jus got to....am i slacking too much?where has i go wrong?haiz.....everyone said i can be a good nurse and i always there wondering am i?i wanna tell then thet i am but things have proven that i am not capable enough.maybe that is y i put so much hope on myself...looking at my results...i was there thinking,there are so many better grades students all ard,which hospital will wanna employ me?haiz....not good in this and that....jus too weak to stand up....too many competitors ard...

what's happening to me?

2006-09-25T16:39:00.000+08:00

feel very tired these days...
time is nvr enough...
y cant i bear a smile in me these time?
y do problems have to be there?
am i sensitive?
looking at thing at things ard me...
life isnt as simple as i tot it is...
feel like giving up nursing...
how?
what can i do?
somebody pls help...

been very unlucky these days...

2006-09-21T13:41:00.000+08:00

these few days been working....after work,go work.though the pay is quite little itis better than nothing but things happened yesterday....after so many days of hard work,i lost my wallet after work....sianz...it is really unbelievable...where do i lost it?inside got quite a number of impt things...sianz...y am i so clumsy?sianz....got nag by my sis after work due to the lost wallet...sianz...after one whole day of school and work still gotta listen to her nag...y do i work?y do i work so hard?if its not becoz of the family,will i have to work while i am still studying?i work is also coz of her....sometimes i really dun know what she wan from me...feeling very hopeless these days....am i in depression?y do i have to be in the centre of everything?i think for others and do others know how i feel?sometimes it is not that i dun wan to talk to her but it is jus that everytime i talk to her,she will sure say things that make me feel that i am very hopeless....haiz....

napfa test...

2006-09-08T12:25:00.000+08:00

yesterday was napfa test...i was having fun there...though i know i definitely will fail de but i wanna try my best...i was stunted when i saw my mentor there.she drop by to encourage us.there were 1o of us in a group.so weak(like me) so strong...for those weak one,the rest encourages us to achieve our expected expectations...we encourages each other...this is the first time i saw few of us so united...as for the 2.4km..i cant make it already at the 5th round but i still continued.i didint expect that the one who encourages me and give me the motivation is sa sa,zahra and sarita...thanks for encouraging me to complete the 2.4km..though it was beyond the time limit...i am so touch....maybe i expected it was someone closer to me...who did that...but nevertheless i am glad to have them giving me the support esp my mentor...she wans me to finished it.thanks...my body slowly aches...i think it is due to not enough stretching...my final result is i failed2.one is standing board jump and the other is pull up...wahaha....it doesnt matter to me anyway but i found one thing here...is the unity.

a smile in you means alot to me....

2006-09-06T15:12:00.000+08:00

today i was like still thinking will our mentor still be upset abt what happened.i was happy to see her smile today....so happy.i wish to see her cheerful smile everyday....i was disappointed in what some of my friends said abt her...now then i know thats is how they think of her after this incident...well,i cant control what they think of her but i believe that she isnt what they tot she is....i have my own point of view abt her...

now at library...plan to study but i nkwo when i study alone i sure fall asleep....haiz...no one acc me....brendy is having her attachment till 4.30 and siew went out with some of hewr uni friends....maybe its time for me to really get serious....i cant play or slack anymore coz time is very limited...as i said before,exams are jus next month and i dun think i have time much time of i start studying only at oct...since i have time now,y dont i start studying a bit...hmm...

rainy day...

2006-09-05T11:05:00.000+08:00

i slept quite late yesterday and nearly overslept due to the weather.the weather was so nice to sleep but i cant be late for my class coz if late,got fine...later at the class,lec was very disappointed with our class coz none of us wish her happy teachers' day...which is quite sad also and moreover lots of things make her very upset. she finally expressed her feelings.this is the first time see her so depressed.

msg to jessica,dun be sad....i know i am a weak student but i will do my very best out of it.though teachers' day is over and it may mean alot to you but jus wan you to know that i never hated you.you are a good and nice mentor.keep up the good job as a mentor.i really appreciate you.you were there to consel me when i am almost cant make it in this course.you gave me the encouragement in continuing this course.thanks...i apologised for not wishing you happy teachers' day.i dun know if you will drop by my blog to read this but i hope you do....i wish to see your smile again :).

break is over..

2006-09-04T14:53:00.000+08:00

so fast one week break has over....i wanna have more holidays but too bad...today hafta got to school..i was slightly late for the lec but luckily the lec havent start her class...today having lab...and jessica wasnt in a good mood....she looks very serious...this makes me really think i should be more serious...but still i am so slack :p.today after lunch had a short meeting...hopefully things will go on smoothly....now let me tell you guys wat i did last wk...

last last
friday,hmm...wat did i do???oh no..i forgot...
sat,went to school quite late..coz afternoon then we gathered together to japanese primary school at clementi...not really having fun there coz was most of the tiome taking care of the stuffs...didnt get the chance to see the rest perform coz the view isnt good enuf...then there comes the traditional dance...didnt dance the first few but in the end ok la...got to enjoy abit....glad that the freshies actually enjoy themselves....took some pic with them....hope that there can continue their hyperness and enthusiasm in jmd...keep jmd alive....went back home with some of them and get to know them better...though i seldom got jmd and seems not active but i really hope to do my best in keeping jmd alive..no conflirt and back stabbing each other...to me,we are of one whole family...we do concern abt each other...if got anything,just say out...and we learn from mistakes...we are there to help each other...msg to freshies(whoever knows my blog),if got anything you can ask us anytime....we dun care you are good or bad...we will be there to help you out....as long as you are willing to learn and we are willing to teach...:)
sunday,nth much.working whole day...
last
monday,find siew to study...she acc me till 5pm then sun took over and we had lunch together.then continue to study...but i was distracted..hehe....wen thome abt 9+pm.
tuesday and wed stayed at home....but wed evening went to interview at hyatt hotel...after that we walked ard far east.
thursday,went out only at night to eat dinner then go orchard to get the keys to open the booth in friday.then met a a friend of mine..we chat till quite late.
friday,working...
sat,morning went jmd then acc gin go tampiness then go orchard walk walk till quite late..
sunday,final day of the holiday...went to anna's church...FCBC.then went tampiness to shop for clothers and shoes.brendy started her attachment today so she wanna buy so formal wear for her attachment...ahe gets so excited abt it...i think its the first time she go for attachment ba..for me no feeling coz used to it le....after that went to have tea with ying and alvin at orchard.went home quite late....ard 12...

i have 3 more presentations to go...two on wk 24,which is jus two wks away and the other on wk 26,four wks away.....then if i am not mistaken i will be having pratical and theory test on wk 24 and then there comes the nightmare...the EXAMS...at the end of oct....

times passes real fast....still have two more month of study before going attachment again....

what is true friend?

2006-08-27T23:12:00.000+08:00

what is true friends?
is there such thing as true friend?
why do i get so upset over such a small thing?
why do tears run down my cheers?
are you consider my true friend or jus friend?
it is for me to know and for you to find out.....

trying to enjoy life...

2006-08-25T13:46:00.000+08:00

i had a terrible heacache the day before.....slept quite early that day....the next day feeling better but still got a little dizzy so ended up didnt go school....stayed at home do some baking...well,the first time wasnt that successful so in the end,went to sun's house to use the oven...stayed at her house for quite long...on the way to her house,feel very uneasy....nausea....after getting off the bus,dizzy...so i stood a side to stabilise myself....the cake was a bit unsuccessful but still can eat la....the cookies was very nice..feel like eating more of it....haha...saliva dropping le....

today in school,nothing much....glad to know that ann and hannah ok le....today have a tutorial on oncology...haiz....really need to have lots of reading...there are lots of things that we dont know....haiz...i am starting to work soon....hope i can earn $ so that my parents wont be so 'sing ku'.got to go for class now...

ups and downs in life...

2006-08-23T17:00:00.000+08:00

it has been quite some time since i last update....the story of max ended...there are now brother and sister..it good to hear that coz at least not ending up to be enemy...today ann and hannah quarrel...haiz...but i think ok le....today i was late for class coz i overslept...but yesterday i slept quite early le..hmm...what happened?getting old le...after school,we celebrated john's birthday.it was a surprise birthday party..

yesterday,after school meet up with one of my pt...it has been such long time since i last met him in the hospital....he become fatter le...wahaha....

one more wk to break wk...

2006-08-21T13:29:00.000+08:00

yesterday whole day stayed at home doing something...my leg started to have a pain again...really hope it doesnt get worst..should i go mesotherapy again?haiz....hopefully it can get well soon...now at e lab...so many pp...the rest of the pp is at level 5...i scare there not enough space for 6 of us so i decided to jus grab a comp here in level 3.now then i know that there are actually 3 lec notes to HS3055.so much to cover and study...1) on ED 2)on elderly 3)on immunity..die lo...exams are jus a month away..i dun know if i can cope with it or not...i hope everythings goes fine and smooth.i must tell myself....no more supp paper for me...enough of it...jus jia you...

getting excited abt my one wk break...what am i going to do in that wk?work?most probably...i found out that a brand new bicycle cost $88 only...hmm...was thinking should i buy??very tempted to buy one but if buy,put where?another problem arise...haiz...if i shift,it will also be very troublesome.haiz...

next yr graduate le...hopefully everything is fine la...after PRCP,maybe i will go back brunei and have a break before really stepping into working world...once i start my working world,there will be no time for me to play or even go back to my home town to visit my grandma and family...this coming holiday,most likely i wont be going back brunei...wanna save $ and earn $ on my parents behalf.

ya ya 21st birthday

2006-08-19T22:53:00.000+08:00

happy birthday to ya ya....21 years old le....growth up le....welcome to the world of the adulthood....hehe...i got to apologised for making a move so fast...we really have things on....really sorry...i hope you enjoy yourself....

today went to suntec city and bought 2 M1 prepaid top up card...for only $40.UP is $56.got promotions on hp and other plans....other than that,i saw many roadshow like travel and wedding gown.wah...the wedding gown is very beautiful...and lots and lots of pp were queuing to buy the airticket to various palces like japan,korea,hong kong,etc....got cruises trip so more....wanted to go on cruises but no $$...i wan buy wedding to be in the cruises.....very romantic..hehe...haha...start to dream le.....my leg start have a little pain le....hope it wont get worst

help out...

2006-08-19T12:58:00.000+08:00

yesterday after tutorial,we help jessica,our mentor,to shift her stuff to another office...she shifted from four room flat to two room flat....wahaha....but it is a bit small...she threw away lots of things....there are things that she wans to keep jus there isnt any use so we asked her to jus threw it away....then she said ok ok la..throw lo....the whole scene was so cute....then suddenly we heard a person shouted'fire fire fire(gay like)'then we took a look at who is it...who know what...it was another lec....he is the MC of hs3032....mental health...bennard...he suddenly poop in and said 'i shouted fire fire fire,then you guys must respond to it'..then we kei siau jus respond to his 'fire alert'.wahaha....after shifting,jessica treated us dinner....for appreciation of thanks....then after that went to bugis walk walk...bought a sketch book.....suddenly feel like sketching.....

for these having exams these few wks,ganbatte.....

problems come after another...

2006-08-17T17:35:00.000+08:00

max is having problem...i wanna try my best to help him but i couldnt give much advises....coz i myself also have problem in this....are we too young to know what is love???well,what exactly is true love??it is an undescriable....let nature takes its course....though at times,there are many questions that we think of but is there a use in thinking all those ques that doesnt really have an answer???when the times come,it will come...whatever is yours will be yours.

max:feelings are in ourselves....no one can tell us what we actually wan except ourselves....jus follow our heart...hafta ask yourself,what exactly do you wan??breaking up is not the solution to everything....maybe what you two need is time...lets called it a cooling period....to cool down and let each other think for so time...it is very difficult to find someone who you can be with...must think carefully...i dun know what advise to give you but i jus wan you to think carefully....what you really wan...

maybe i dun really have the right to say all these things but as a da jie,i wan to see you happy and 'sing fu'.i dun wan you to end up like me....hope you understand.

3rd presentation...

2006-08-16T15:51:00.000+08:00

today we presented on psyco pharmacology....presentation went quite ok la....coz in the presentation,they are lots of words that i dun know how to pronounced....so chim....i bet almost half the class dun understand and feel asleep...hehe...today supposed to end at 3 but end slightly later coz need to cover that topic that was to be covered on friday also...so friday no practical class....yeah...one more presentations to go.....which is the research method.....haiz.....we are doing on stress in ward nurses....i havent started to find any articles on it yet...later going to look for it...my leg got better than last two days but still got a little pain when i try to rotate my leg....recently nothing much happened...

leg pain...

2006-08-14T13:52:00.000+08:00

today took cab to school coz my legs was extremely painful...my mum said if you still have pain then take MC,dun go school la....but iwen to to school coz couldnt get MC and also got lab some more...i dun wanna do make up alone with other class....walking here and there very slow and pain..going to have one week break soon...so excited....my break starts from 28 aug till 3 aug.....very very excited....

sprained my leg...

2006-08-13T12:53:00.000+08:00

friday after school went out with siew to orchard..looking for clothes...we went to far east.i tried on a dress...i was so tempted to buy coz it wasnt very expensive but in the end didnt buy coz i need to buy some other things as well...siew bought a top..it was quite nice....she was also looking for a rack...we were looking for it from orchard to cwp...she was so worried that seh cant find the rack coz she is desperately in need of it....when she finally found it at cwp she was so happy....after that we went to sakae sushi...we jus ate feew plates coz both of us werent that hungry.the most terrible part was so of the things that i ordered were sold out....sianz...waited for so long for my order....siew and i then took cab home coz she don wanna take train back...you know what???i heard from siew that the cab driver was from brunei too...

on sat,went to jmd...in the morning we practised traditional dance and then went to JAS for practised.at JAS,i was so super high coz get to dance lots of traditional dances.i learned quite a few new dances but it is not actually new to me.it is just that i forget how to dance le...hehe...toward the end of the practised at JAS,when we danced the 'Sakuran 2004',i sprained my leg...so painful..so i didnt get to dance it.the next song was cingay 2005...i still can bear with it so decided to dance along...after that i went to clementi to meet siew and sun for dinner...i was thinking whether to find 'tia ta' coz it will be very painful esp when they rub it....in the end i decided to look for one but couldnt find one.all was closed...sianz....so we had our dinner at sumo house....and chat there for quite long....

todya in the morning,went to see 'tia ta'at my house downstairs...wah...when she rub...very very painful...i tahan all the way....very painful....then she said need to go back again for follow up....ah.....y am i so careless???when so many bad things happened to me these days....one come after another....later going to do the hardcopy for my presentation next wed...

shopping day....

2006-08-11T13:38:00.000+08:00

another day of school....i miss a lec....coz had a terrible headache yesterday.i think its becoz i didnt eat my dinner..i ate some cookies and mamee monster for dinner...haiz..as usual i dun like to eat dinner alone....brendy dun feel like coming down to eat so in the end went to clementi find siew but i waited for abt an hr...i cant take it le so decided to go home without eating with her....went home then sleep..

today got few hrs break and i bought a tube again...haiz...nowadays buy lots of things...spend $$ again...actually wanted to buy the black one but as i thought i need to stop buying black colour shirt coz i have alots blck tops....then we go SHS level 5 for an exhibition....got lots of things....i weigh myself and measure my height....i get shorter le.....1.58...i thought i am at least 1.60...ah.....how come like that??as for my weigh i gain weight le....but it was better than before....when i first came singapore....nxt lec is 2pm then after that go orchard with siew....siew wanna buy new clothes....girls shopping......

miss lots of fun....

2006-08-09T16:29:00.000+08:00

sorry joanne...i am unable to join you yesterday...i really wish too....i am here to wish you happy birthday...one year older,one year prettier...dun always quarrel with GM....always quarrel not good....today actually feel going out but the longer i stayed at home,i dont feel like going out le..wahaha.....lazy...having a great time yesterday....glad that i am able to meet you....very happy...

starting to make a step into world od reality....

2006-08-07T12:58:00.000+08:00

saturday after jmd,went out with sun to chinatown...she is looking for a formal wear...but then in the end....brendy and i bought some clothes also...hehe...i bought a necklace,earrings and a tube...i wore it on sunday.dinner we ate at chinatown street...nvr eat there before...very cool and romantic coz it was very windy that night.we ate quite alot of food...nearly cant finished.we ordered sambal stingray,salad 'you tiao',sweet and sour chicken and also kang kong.....sunday went to bugis....brendy wanna look for shoe...we ate 2 small and 1 big durian...very full....after that,i feel like vommitting but feels ok after burp a few times...later the night went K...i bought 2 earrings...oh no...nowadays i bought quite a few earrings...haiz....waste money again.today i got only 35min of lec...i tot there will be another lec at 2 but when i reached school,max told me that he is leaving at 1,then i knew thta there is only one lec for the day....sianz...got to go soon...meeting brendy.

things have settled...

2006-08-04T22:21:00.000+08:00

presentation are over.i finished everything by 3am and woke up at ard 7am....tired.very sleepy during lec...all the misunderstandings have settled...i admited that i am wrong also coz i shouldnt have be so stubborn...i hope that this kind of things wont happen again....things that you are not clear,you should not assume...asking is the way to clear out all this conflirt.next time dont assume,k?i am not the type that will bear grudges....life just goes on...lets work together as a team for this last year...

i know how to proritise my work...dun anyhow involve person which doesnt really involve in this....though he is also very impt to me but i know when to put him as the first prority.....

i know all of you are concern abt me.thanks...i will slowly adapt to it....give me more time.

life's sucks....

2006-08-03T14:30:00.000+08:00

today isnt a good day for me.....just very fuck up.....and pek chek.....i jus dun know how they do things...first like this and now like that...wat you wan???i already done my part and now need to re-do!!all my effort is wasted....WTF.....i really dun know wat you guys are thinking....everything last minute......you think last minute can finish ma???you told me information not enuf...i am ok with it but....do you think there is enuf time for everyone to present provided everyone's info is so long????watever la......

max,i think now the kkl doesnt exist anymore....sorry to disappoint you...i am jus only part of your group mate and that's it....i dun wanna cause much trouble....

life is sucks......

supposed to be our 8th month aniversary

2006-08-02T12:46:00.000+08:00

yesterday was supposed to be our 8th month aniversary...but....though we have broken up but this day really mean alot to me...i dun know about you la....maybe you really do treat me as a friend le...these few days didnt get to see you...really miss you.yesterday morning had presentation....well,lec said we are not focus enough.she is very worried about us....we had a nice chat.after that supposed to go bugis with max,yan ni and ann but something happened to my shoe so in the end didnt join them...so i went cwp to do my shoe...very exp sia....so i was at cwp the whole time...while waiting for james to reply me....well,in the end,we didnt meet up coz he is going out with his parents...so ended up i watched 'now and forever' myself coz i dont feel like going home so early..brendy got dance practise in school.

the movie was very touching and it is worth watching it.i cried....wahaha....very touching...the guy is willing to do anything(things that he never do for any girl before)for the girl that he really love....there are many meaningful sentences that really touches me...like 'do know know how hard is it to pretend things that you know but you just cant tell that you know?' ,'the more i am with you,the more i love you,the more i wanna live',etc....i like the movie theme song also...the moral of the story is treasure every moment you have happily with your love ones,you will not know what will happen to him/her the next day.

waiting to watch 'lake house'with you...

today went for an hr of tutorial then no class le....now at e-plaza.it's been raining these few days....what happened to the weather these days?weird weird de....everyone got to take care....dun catch a cold....

i dun know why i can feel that there is a distance between me and the kkl member...it isnt the kkl i used to be in...what happened?i could be the cause of it...if i am the cause of it,i am sorry for all the unhappiness...i dun know how to tell you guys...maybe many things have changed.give me some time to get back to the my normal self...

i maybe seems healthy today and weak the next moment,you will never know....you may just treat me as a friend....but there are few things that i wanna say to you,
dear...when i talked to you on the phone,the feeling is jus so different..i feel very happy and warm.i am happy jus to see you for jus a while....to me,youare the one i love but maybe to you...i am not...sometimes i really wonder lot of questions...few of the questions include do you treat me as a friend only or some special person?,how impt am i to you?,am i someone who you can or can not live without?are you happier when you are together with me or when we are jus friends?,etc....i really wanna wait for miracles to happen but i am afraid that it wont happen....i started to feel that you treated me just like any other friend...i am afraid that it is true.maybe i am too sensitive....

practical assessment and theory test

2006-07-31T13:11:00.000+08:00

this morning after the lec,i had my practical assessment...i got hand scrubbing....yeah...i passed.i was so afraid that i got eye dressing....later got theory test....haiz.....later then study la coz got 3 hrs of break...wondering how's his school today....

sometimes its really hard to make a decision,
your mind and your heart,
which should you follow?
does your mind really tells you what to do?
is it what your heart really want?
who is controlling who?
is it your mind that control or your heart?

from my point of view,i will just follow what my heart wans...you may think that it is stupid doing it but things that i do are truely what my heart told me to do.i dun wan ended up regretting in not doing/telling things that i wanted to say.sometimes i wondered alot of things....hmm....maybe i think too much...dear....i will wait till the day where you tell me 'lets patch'.

sick sick sick....

2006-07-30T20:33:00.000+08:00

the day before,i went to jmd..long time nvr go le....met some of our seniors...really long time nvr see them le....esp...xm,dan,wendy and steve also.he dyed his hair le...hmm.....nearly cant recognised him...wahah....i got slight flu and cough...and sneezing....something is not right with me....i think its coz i went under the rain....went to wp after having lunch with them to study then after that feeling not so good...throat became warm..i think i am sick...

today,wake up feel very uncomfortable and hot...i am really sick le...voice changes....sleep the whole afternoon after taking the medicine....still have a little flu and slight cough...die lo....tomorrow assessment...how??if i kena,handwashing...how??i cant scrub coz gotta be in good health status....dielo....am i stress myself too much??is this the exam sick??today really dun have the mood to study....

though i am sick..you are still always on my mind...really miss ya...hope to see you.tomorrow you are starting school le...ganbatte....a new semenster...1more sem....jia you....dun always play play.....i know you can do it...

there i go again...

2006-07-28T12:32:00.000+08:00

am i tough enough to hold back all the tears and bring myself a smile??i cant....i am still not strong enough...why do i still cry for you???didnt i tell myself not to cry again since i made the decision to be friend with you?knowing that you dont feel so guilty and much happier than before,i am happy also...ah...i always think for others,do i think of my own feeling??haiz.....there are things that i wanted to say but jus keep it inside to myself coz i will say it when i really mean it....last time you asked me to tell you watever is in my thought but i jus refused to tell coz i dun think its time to tell you yet...until yesterday,i told you watever is in my thought but it is to no avail....it will jus make you feel guiltier.thanks for lending your ears to me...

i dun wan anything to happen to you.i am really afraid that i never get to see you again...you are very impt to me.i dun wish to lose you.dun make me worry.....

thinking of you...

2006-07-27T10:23:00.000+08:00

being thinking of you now and then...sometimes i really wonder do i really treated you as a friend or still as my bf?everytime i wonder your whereabout and also worry for you.i really wanna tell you that i am actually concern about you but just dun dare to tell you coz i told myself i am jus only your friend and i am not anybody else to you...i am really happy to meet you...happy to see you smile....i really miss you....sometimes i really feel like calling you 'dear'again....

dear...
you are always in my heart,
you are always the one i think of every day,
you light up my life and brings me hope,
you are always by my side whenever i need you,
you are always the one...
that i always love....

oh my god..........

2006-07-26T10:14:00.000+08:00

do you believe that i am not at school???by right i am on the train on the way to school.i tot the class starts at 10...today class starts at 11...very tired...dun feel like waking up so early...

yesterday was very fun and enjoying....after school james and i went to sungai buloh,which is at somewhere at kranji..the breezes and the scenery was very nice....i took some pic...it reminds me of my home(brunei).it has being a long time i walked like that..though it was a hot and sunny day and a long walk to sungai buloh wetland reserves,i feel that it is worth going there...it brings back lots of memories i had with my parents..i used to go adventuring with them esp during the weekend.the reserves closes at 7pm so we got to make a faster move to finish one part of the reserve.due to time constrain,we didnt go the other part of the reserves which is takes abt 2 to 3 hrs to finished the whole reserves...1 sad thing abt yesterday is i cant go up to the tower to look at the scenery....it is under re-painting...wasted sia....i believe the scenery must be very beautiful up there....before going for dinner,we went to kranji beach...it reminds me of my childhood days....swings,see-saw,etc....wish that i am still a kid....no worries...wahaha....we walked along the kranji dam...the view was very cool and beautiful...too bad,i cant take a pic of it coz my hp cam has very limited spaces....finally,we reached the bus-stop....actually we can take the bus stop which is nearer to the reserve but.......hmmm.......we took a long walk to another bus stop which is after the kranji dam...but no regret in walking along the dam...i wonder when can we go there again to finish the rest of the reserves....hmm....actually plan to go there this coming sunday but i got theory and pratical test on next monday....hmm...see how la...maybe can go there...provided i start studying this few days...later brendy joined us for dinner...plan to eat kfc but i think brendy is sick if ti le...so we went to long john silver....after that went to popular looking for pen-like touch but they didnt sell...so we just go walk ard cwp...all shops are closing...james got to wait for his brother to pick him up...so we acc him to wait a while...i really enjoy myself...

to james:thanks for bringing me to such a peaceful and cool place.....thats so sweet of you...:).hope you enjoy urself too...i will be much more happier to see you enjoying urself..unknowingly,you find out that we do have some things in common...thanks.

a new day...

2006-07-25T13:08:00.000+08:00

i was having a bad headache yesterday but couldnt sleep well due to the weather... i find it hot yesterday night...today i refused to wake up coz when i was about to have a nice and good sleep...its time to wake up...yesterday glad that we still able to talk as per normal...next week i got lots of things on...next monday,i am going to have HS3054 thoery and practical test...die lo..total of two presentations next week...havent completed...not much mood to do....

pls give me the strenght to carry on and the determination to continue to be a nurse...being thinking of you...really miss you...i believe in miracles....

back to friends....

2006-07-24T12:53:00.000+08:00

there are few times where i really hate you....and i even deleted your contact no from my contact but in the end i saved it back becoz of my soft heartedness....i just cant bear to lost track with you....though we never know what will happen in the future,(to be frank)i tot of being with you for the rest of my life...to be your future wife and start of a family with you.being crying past few days...i am very tired coz no matter how many days or months i cried,the fact will not change....i think through lots of things....my history repeated again...maybe i have faith that you will not make my history repeat but in the end.....you disappoint me...this is y i repeatedly said 'friends isnt wat i wan'.but now i decided to be friends again coz of several reasons....jus like you have your own reasons in why you insisted on breaking...dun feel guilty or bad...you are not to be blame....i dun wan you to get so unhappy or worry.dun worry...starting from the time i said we can be friends....i will not cry again for you again.i just need to accept the fact....you are forgiven...

another day of fa dai-ing....

2006-07-21T14:58:00.000+08:00

i finally have the courage to call you and msg you...i finally realised that i cant go against myself....i am still so weak....i wish to know what you are doing and other stuffs....though i said'you no need to explain so much..since we are jus friends' but in my heart,i wanted to know....y am i like that??since we are not couples anymore,y do i still care for you?why do i keep waiting??these days,i have been fa dai-ing....all day long thinking of you....i almost lost my lanyard....luckily my friend from other group saw it...if not,it will be lost...though i am physically in school but spiritually i am not....i missed a lec this morning and plan to go for lab only but in the end i decided to go for my tutorial....why happened to me???i started to skip lec le....i really have no mood...every where i go,i think of the days we had together and things we do....i dun feel like going home so early coz it reminds me of that time when you came to my house....when i saw other couples,i think of you....i am going crazy le....is this call avoiding?the fear is back to me again....sometimes i really hate you....

this evening went bukit batok eat dinner with brendy....today was racial harmony day so i was like searching for the racial harmony pin that our lecturer gave us...suddenly...you know what i found???i found the handphone accessory that i gave it back to you the other day in my bag...i was so surprised that it was in my bag all these time....so happy...after that call you up and asked....feel like we were like before again....chatting over the phone....really miss you.....

esp for you...

2006-07-20T15:35:00.000+08:00

lin jun jie-zhi dui ni shou

Zhan zai ji mo de wu tai shang
Deng guang xia tuo zhe zi ji de ying zi
Yin yue chong fu wo men gong tong de you shang
Bu shi mei yi ci de yan chang
Jiu ke yi dan wang ming tian mei you ni
In my heart we'll never be apart
＊Can liu shou shang de xiang wei ti xing wo
Zai shu wei xiang ji li liu xia de cheng nuo
Mei yi feng jian xun chuan chu de si nian
Dou dui ni shuo
＃Sa Rang Hae Yo means I love you　
Dai biao zhe wo li bu kai ni
Mei fen mei miao mei yi ge sheng yin
Zhi you ni sa jiao hui rang wo wei xiao
Sa Rang Hae Yo　 zhi dui ni shuo
I will love you and forever more
Wo da ying baby you will see
Mei yi ge wo dou shu yu ni
repeat ＊,＃,＃
Oh baby I will love you because
Wo dou shu yu ni yeah

i find this song very meaningful...i dun know if you got read my blog or not but i just wanna say i been thinking of you...you asked me' y my ears turn red?why i suddenly feel so hot?'.do you know y?its all coz i am so happy to see you.i even dreamt of you...dreamt that we were together again....i really miss you.....

finally have the courage to tell you...

2006-07-19T15:59:00.000+08:00

yesaterday i asked you out coz i really cant stand it anymore...all day long,my heart s really aching and couldnt wear a smile on my face....i felt very terrible.so we met at cwp...to tell you the truth,i am still on the denial stage....still cant accept that we are not together anymore....i cried and cried just because of this...i really dun wanna break with you.i returned you the handphone accessory coz if i keep it,i will keep thinking of the days we were together...maybe this is one way of avoiding ba....pls dun treat me so nice.....the more you treat me nice,the more you gave me hope.....i asked for the favour coz i wanna keep it forever in my mind and dun wanna forget the feeling of it...it is really warm and 'sing fu'.i will never forget this particular moment.let nature takes it course ba....i sent you a msg this morning(at 2+am)telling you that i reached home le.....i dun know why i did.....maybe i dun wan you to worry ba....or maybe i am too used to telling you that..i nvr expect that you will reply me(though i waited for you for you reply).i just dun know why i just keep waiting for your msg....once i received it,i was thinking should i reply or should i not....i decided not to coz i wan myself to get rid of the habit in msg-ing you.....but i am always there thinking of wat you are doing...ah.....help me...when can i stop thinking of you??when can i go back to myself??i really regret in always asking you to consider to find another girl and also always mentioned the word' break up'...so when ann told me that she also break up,i told her one sentence'must always treassue your r/s whenever possible.dun mention 'break up' so easily...'.

to KKL: i know you guys worry for me....jus give me some time to get over him....at this point of time,pls let me be like that ba....i know you guys cant stand me keep on asking the same ques over and over again.....jus let me be ba......i just too 'into'him..hope you guys understand how i feel...maybe you guys have not find someone who really love ba....the feeling of getting over a particular person is very terrible...its easy for u all to say just forget about him but the fact is,it is really tough for me to do it...esp someone whom i already think of being with forever....all i need is time....sorry if watever i wrote hurt you all but this is how i feel....

couldnt sleep....

2006-07-17T12:55:00.000+08:00

yesterday night after i blog and got consulted by some of my friends....i couldnt sleep.i was lying on my bed thinking of things that happened.....this morning when i woke up,i cried again while hugging the doggie.my eyes very painful now...my mood was very down this morning...no appetide to eat also....now at eplaza with the rest...hannah went to hospital to do her check up....later after class,got group meeting and dun know wat time it will ends.....sori to say that i am not in a mood to do projects....my mind was thinking of him.....being thinking of him all day and i tried not to think of him but i jus cant.

it's over!!!

2006-07-17T00:44:00.000+08:00

yesterday we broke up....we tried to talked things out but things dont work out...all you said is you are 'sorry'but do you know how much my heart hurts??i dun wan you to say that you are sorry....it really hurts me alot.....i cried for the whole day just because of this word....no matter wat i said i think also no use coz it wont change ur decision....to be frank,friends isnt wat i wan...i wan you to be the one i truly love...do you know how important you are to me??do you know that how much i wanna be still be with you?many pp consulted me and asked me to jus move on and forget abt you but i believe that there will be miracles...i believe that since we still like each other,miracles can happened....i dun find a reason why i should find a better guy or even move on...you are the guy that is worth putting so much time,effort and energy in....its simpy all becoz i love you...you asked am i ok??actually i am not....my heart breaks....esp when you told me to move on...i think of you every moments and wherever i go...when i think of you,tears will jus run down my cheeks naturally....

its time to think......

2006-07-15T12:03:00.000+08:00

these days alots of unhapiness occurs in my r/s...am i expecting too much?whats the causes of it?i am the causes of it....maybe i should not put so much hope at the first place.the more hope i put,the more disappointed i am.all these things happened coz i really hope i can meet you....i really miss you....it really hurts when you told me that we are unable to meet(last min).y did i do all stupid things like asking for a movie when i already know that you cant make it???y???why do i put hopes on even small little things like that?i ever thought of will you be waiting for me till the movie ends....i kept on hoping that you will turn up but i told myself it already late....its impossible to happen.when i was at the taxi stand...i kept on looking toward the mrt station...y did i do that?believing that there is miracles....yesterday,i waited at woodlands point.what am i waiting for?i intended to call you up and tell you i am there to give you a small surprise but when i knew that you are at the workshop...i hang up(decided not to tell you)and then called you back telling you that i am at woodland point...i was there thinking will you turn up....so i waited....

when i asked you,do you regret accepting me as you gf....your ans was i dun know...do you know my heart break?maybe i really am not the kind of girl that you are looking for. maybe its time for you to find a better girl with not so much expectation and a girl with good attitude...maybe you can be much more happier when we go on our own way...you no need to pleased me....you wouldnt have so much expectation to reach...you have nothing to wory about...

while typing this particular blog,i cried....y i cried??is this really wat i wan??all i think of is how you feel....do i think abt how i actually feel?i can be strong outside but i am not at all strong inside....i really hope that there is miracles.....

lastest updates....

2006-07-11T12:17:00.000+08:00

last fri,kkl outing to cine and lau pa sa...max emo for the whole day coz his camera dropped on the floor...ann didnt join us coz she got things to settle with xe...things finally settled le....they patched back...

on sat,i worked till 9.30pm then i went to thin's bbq at east coast....so far....but i think is worth it coz to celebrate her graduation....she went back to brunei on sunday...

on sunday i tot i got work but in the end no work so went to ann's house....we slack at her house for the whole day.her mum treated us pizzza hut and her mum cooked porridge esp for max coz he is sick....later in the evening we watched pirates the carribean together...i reached home abt 11+.

yesterday after school went bugis to buy bag...before that,we acc xiau di go funan to fix his camera....at bugis,we shopped from one bag shops to another....haha...as usual,i am very undecisive so it will take a longer time for me to decide which bag to buy...

today,going funan again coz max wanna take a look a new cameras....he is planning to trade in his camera.....

these days didnt get to meet dear dear coz he is working....i wanna him to rest more coz he seems like very tired.....wake up very in the morning and reached home so late.moreover his jobs isnt an easy job.....really miss him....

thses days in school,i learned how to do hand scrubbing....it is very tiring coz i got to scrub 15 times each steps....then repeatedly do for times....as for the scrubbing method,i got to scrub my hands every edges of my hands 30times with brush.veyr painful....sian......

lots of presentations are coming up.....and also lots of e tutorial to do....very tired.....

really feel like sleeping now....weather is so nice to sleep.....

brendy's 19th birthday

2006-07-06T12:44:00.000+08:00

yesterday was brendy's 19th birthday...we(mei ling,gin,james,brendy and me)went k at amk..after that we went sumo house eat dinner...i joined them after my class at 3...while k-ing,ann msg me....i was stunned by her msg....haiz...dun mention.its her choice...there is nothing i can do or advise....hope that she is not harsh when she made the decision.....

today was a boring day for me...only got 2 hrs of lectures and a long break in between...sianz...

yr 3......

2006-07-03T12:51:00.000+08:00

finally end of attachment le....there are many ups and down in the attachment...my o and g posting was sucks....lecturer said i am very unplesant....hmm....sometimes it makes me think am i ?????hmm......today is my first day of school after two months of horror...wahah....let me update myself...

my mum had a n cholecystectomy done last two wks ago and i thought of going back brunei to take care of her but due to attachment...i cant go back...very worry about her...i watched 'she's the man' with brendy and melissa last wed...the movie was nice....the next movie that i wanted to watch is 'scary movie4', 'just my luck' or 'garfield2'.as for dear..he wanna watch 'almost love',a korena movie..hmm....dun know which should i watch...i bought a bag for brendy for her birthday.her birthday is this coming wed...this coming wed,we should be going k after my class at 3...

i hope i can ganbate this sem so that i can qualify as a RN....must really got to buck up...

oh....

2006-05-27T22:32:00.000+08:00

today i was late for jmd...after that went to meet dear dear.he bought a book.we stayed at that book shop for abt an hr...after that ard 9 pm,his parents drive him home.i dun wanna go home along alone esp in along journey so i asked if his parents able to drive me to the whichever mrt station which is more convinent fpr them...my heart was beating very very fast.....i was silent all the time when i were inside the car.oh my god....this is the second time i see his parents.

it has been abt half a yr we have been together..i hope we can get this relationship going smoothly as long as we can.love you....

abt a month in ward 52...

2006-05-26T23:32:00.000+08:00

next wk will be my last wk in ward 52...abit 'tak berat hati'.the staff nurses there are very nice...in future i may consider applying to work in this ward....provided i am still in nursing field...very tired....sometimes i prefer working afternoon shift coz not so tired.now i am having back pain le...sianz...i think i bend forward too much without adjusting the height of the bed..sometimes i wonder....did i hurt other's feeling without realising or are there too sensitive in things that i said???so thats y i sometimes choose not to speak up coz i am afraid that i may say things that end up hurting them...sorry to you....i know i am a little too much in words that i said but i just too frustrated....i dun know how to put it but.....i can see that you are angry with me.sorry....

just for you

2006-05-06T21:56:00.000+08:00

dear...i admit that i do think a lot and afraid that we will break up one day coz that time i couldnt feel the love..but now i am not worry anymore coz now i know you care for me alot and you mind abt somethings....this shows how much you do care for me and love me.i wish to know how you actually feel and glad that you didnt hide from me.i know there are somethings that you may hide from me but i dun blame you coz you dun wan me to think too much.well,no matter what ur problem is my problem.dun make me wori so much...feel free to tell me.things that i mind,i will tell...i am happy to be with you.feel so happy when i got to see you....love you always.

outing....

2006-05-05T22:27:00.000+08:00

yesterday went out with ann,joanne,max and xe.xe worked in centrepoint bossini...guo ming joined us after his work for dinner.we had our dinner at pastamania..and dessert at the restaurant jus opp cine world of sports...dunno wats the restaurant called...i and max shared ham and sausage baked rice and a chocolate brownie...reached home ard 11pm..cant sleep...

today,went out wif dear for dinner...feel very bad abt smth(dear i know u know wat i mean).sori....i wan you to be happy...

back in singapore...

2006-05-03T11:09:00.000+08:00

i am back on the 30 april..many things happened.

monday,i went out with siew and i wanted to make my name tag but forgotten that it was a public holiday..when i finally found the place,i was thinking of which floor it is coz it has been a long time i nvr been to that palce...when we entered the gate,siew then realised that its a public holiday...then we at first decided to go yishun but no bus to yishun so we went bugis...we search for a hairdressing shop all over bugis and finally siew decided to cut her hair at jean yip...well,i highlighted my hair too...siew's hair was nice and cute..this is the 1st time i spent so much on my hair.

tuesday,we went to make the name tag...we go from 4th to 5th floor then finally then shop is at the 3rd floor...we should have go to the 3the floor 1st....after that we went to bugis again to look for clothes...it was ard noon...most of the shops are still close...so in the end we decided to eat sakae sushi for lunch...i bought a skirt..it was nice but i need to lose weight.....sad....around 4+,dear joined us at city hall and we go ps then walk to orchard...we went ps shop and far east ard.siew bought a jacket at S&k and a shirt from baleno(i think).the jacket was very nice.though it is expensive but i think it is worth.really like that jacket...

wednesday,today.....still thinking whether to go watch movie or not.tml might be going out with kkl...it has been a long time i go out with them...

dear...finally finished exam le....can go out le....

2006-04-28T13:50:00.000+08:00

Grade Point Average : 1.860

HS2034 NURSING SCIENCE IIA D+

HS2035 NURSING SCIENCE IIB C

HS2043 CLINICAL LABORATORY IIA C

HS2056 RESEARCH METHODS D+

HS2079 BEHAVIOURAL SCIENCE 2A C

HS2081 BIOLOGICAL SCIENCE 2A C

the above are my results for this sem.my wish comes true.no more supp paper.thanks god...i was so so wori abt my results.i even dreamt of wat i get.i will be back in singapore in a fews days time.i couldnt find any thing here for u guys...hope u guys don mind....well,this sem de results....quite satisfying except for my hs2081...this is the last semester taking bio and i was aiming for a b but i got c..better than f la...really need to jia you next sem.my gp is only 1.86...sianz......try to aim higher.from the day i entered poly,i wish to go into uni but as i go on my poly,i decided not to coz of my lousy results.well..its all my fault coz i slack too much..all the best to my friends having exams now and also to kkl family,hope u all get good grades.

miss dear dear...

2006-04-14T20:13:00.000+08:00

after few days in brunei,i only wne tout once wif my friends...all i do in brunei is eat,sleep and watch tv..i miss my dear dear very very much...and also kkl family...in brunei,i have a simple life with not much entertainment..so u guys can image how my life will be here now...everyday got to hear dear dear voice only...cannot meet him.....sianz...wonder what is he doing in singapore...really miss him alot.his exams are jus round thre corner...i hope that he is preparing for his exams...as for myslef,results will be out nxt wk...no eyes to see..pass can le la....dear,u mus ganbatte...u mus have more confident in urself...jia you...i pray that u pass all modules...really miss you alot....

going home today...

2006-04-09T10:56:00.000+08:00

now i am at jb airport serving net.still to wait for two more hrs before i go back brunei.

friday was the last day of our paper.the papers was sucks.all my fault coz i dun really haf the mood to study for this paper...the day before the exam,max and i studied at school but both of us cant concentrate...we slack ard...walk here walk there.when i reached home,i tried to study but still cannot go in...sianz...after the exams,we went to bugis walk walk....before that i accompany ying ying go newton.she brings few of her friends along too coz they wanna work part time banquet.ying ying forgot to bring her student pass...but in the end,she wne t home take.dont know she got the job or not.after that i went to find ni ni and max...ni ni nearly got bang by a bus..very dangerous...ni ni next time cross the road mus hold pa pa hands oh....:p.we went arcade and walk ard.i bought a earphone for my mp3.all of us were very tired coz i took a long time to decided which earphone to buy...sori to make u guys so tiring...max supposed to meet hos dear but in the end,he cancelled coz of us...he said accompany me and ann walk ard before we go back to our respective country...later at the night,left onlne,cat,me,ni ni and max...we bought 2 bottles of hoock and it wasnt enuf so max and ni went to buy vokka...i like the lime vokka...i wanna drink but ni ni dun wanna let me drink...:( coz i told them i got a little headache..catherine's cheek very pink....catherine took bus home and the three of us took cab...it was a mascedes cab...wah...on that day,dear went out wif his friends to ktv...and went home quite late.

ytday,went out wif dear and friends to watch ice age2...ice age2 quite nice...at first dear intend to go home after the movie but he stayed over to shop wif me a while.ytday night,i told him what i feel and in the end.....i cried again.i think he didnt know.y do i cry??while talking to max on the phone...tears ran down my cheeks..y??i wanted to overcome my fear..but how???

today,after thinking through...i decided not to break coz i know i still love him and dun wanna let go.dear,lets work together to overcome the fear that i had...

i cant believe that i am so weak..

2006-04-04T09:00:00.000+08:00

yesterday,i actually told dear how i feel abt this relationship.after he read the msg,he called me...while i was talking on the phone,i tried to hold back my tears coz i told him before that i wont cry for him but in the end i cried...the more i said,the more i cried..omg..y does tears come down from my eyes??does this shows how impt he is to me???does this shows how much i love him??we knew the problem to this...the problem lies in me.i have not enuf confident in myself and thus leding to no fate in him...i am jus afraid to get hurt again...after all this time,i still cant get over that hurt i had before.y??y am i so emotional??yesterday i sounded like wanna break like that...actually i ever tot of this issue before but in the end i decided to tell him wat i actually feel before i make any decisions.

i know you care for me.i know you wori abt me...the more you treat me good,the more i scare...i jus dun know y..i will try my best to overcome the fear that i had now.dun wori abt me...

starting of exams till now...

2006-04-03T15:37:00.000+08:00

my first paper was psychology...hmm...it was predicted that the piaget theory will come out.the paper was one hr but i took half an hr to write one questions..omg...i left half an hr to do the other questions and mcqs..i didnt write much for the other question.the mvqs was very tough...this was the first time i stayed till the end of the exam finished.after the paper,i went to play pool wif xiao di.max was suposed to meet her girl girl but dun know y in the end didnt meet.so he became emo.....and think lots of stuff.we played for abt two hrs then continue study our bio...omg...still haf lots to study...

on sat,me and xiao di study hs2034 at school.we were discussing lots and lots of things abt pregnancy.we studied till abt 5pm then went to haf our dinner then pool at amk again....i am supposed to meet dear but in the end nvr meet up coz he got things to do and i dun wanna kacau him.i then became emo coz i really miss him alot...and think lots and lots of things....so in the end i went home quite early...then online for abt an hr...chat wif yk...long time we nvr chat le...talk to her abt my things and she tells me abt her things...i wasnt in a good mood that day.sori dear....i know i sounded fierce but i am not that scary after all,rite?;)

on sunday,me,cat and cat went to max house to study hs2034.all of us were concentrating..very serious oh...then in the end,we took a break coz hungry le...hehe...then continue till abt 7pm.we went to eat dinner together....after that i went to find dear dear...really miss him alot...we meet for a while only then hafta go home le coz i got exam at 10am on monday...i reached home abt 12am..then study abit then cant take it le then go sleep intending to wake up at 5am to study but.....

on monday,woke up at 8am...refuse to wake up.didnt flip thru anything.after shower,i went to school le...i surrender le...i dun wanna read anymore..the more i read,the more i stress...today's paper was not wat i expected...the mcqs was easy but i got lots of careless mistakes here and there...abt the short answer questions.....i tried to answer all but all answers i give is all rubbish coz that wasnt what i expected will come out so in the end,i jus read through those topic only....sianz...after that we(hannah,max and i)went to play pool again....and also played arcade...long time didnt played arcade le....now planning to study bio but not in the mood.how???still haf two more papers to go....

dear is having a presentation today..hope he dun be so nervous.relax abit...i know u can do it de..miss ya...

do guys born to like games?

2006-04-01T21:11:00.000+08:00

do u know how wori am i ant ur work?though i feel like meeting you but i know i cant be so selfish expecting you to acc me..so i decided to give you time to do ur work and to study also but in the end...knowing how you spend your day....i am really disappointed.i cant control u much also.but i wan you to know that i dun wish to see you failling any modules...i really wan you to work extra hard for it.repeating isnt a good thing.do you know that it will takes few thousand dollars??i dun wan you waste those few thousand dollars jus like tat...dear....pls...put it extra effort into ur work...time is very limited for you.

taiwan and brunei will not have anymore peace.

2006-03-25T09:16:00.000+08:00

taiwan and singapore fighting.brunei pp saw singapore being bullied so they go and help.taiwan pp show atitude to brunei pp.brunei pp dont like it and this is how brunei and taiwan war begins...it ended up to make the whole of brunei flooded.brunei pp became more angry.singapore pp tried to bring peace between taiwan and brunei but unsuccessful...taiwan and brunei tried to talk things out but it didnt turn out well so......in the end brunei pp still against taiwan pp...

this is the first time i ever get so so so angry.i think i as a friend i did too much things.i shouldnt have....care so much also,no use.in the end,wat happened??for those who see me angry,i know i am atitude ytday...sori.pls....nvr try to make me angry again.starting today,pls let me cool down...though things has quiet down,i still not yet cool down...jus that it that i am xiao chi.

ytday,supposely go out wif kkl but in the end nvr go coz going to study.if no war happened,i might consider joining them.so i went to find dear..but in the end,he cant come out.so sad....i talked to him on the phone...i was ok de but then when i reached home.i bloged...i got angry again and cried while blogging.y i cried?tears jus ran down my cheeks.after i offline.trying to talk to my dear but he slept le....couldnt sleep well...

ann,really sori to say this to you.....i might hurt you.i can nvr get along wif him.i dont ike his atitude.i will not cool down so easily...starting today,i wont care so much abt whats going on between you two.let him be the one who care for you ba...i cant do much also since he is so unreasonable.maybe i did too much,as a friend...i am jus doing what a friend should do.i got wrong ma?jus let me cool down.sori.....to say this,when you jus started,i was trying to acccept him...i am looking for him to proof to me that he is a good bf but he proof me wrong.i saw his true colours...

after so long....

2006-03-13T12:59:00.000+08:00

it has been a while i lasted blog...many things happen this days.when i see her cried for few days,i felt her pain.i know it hurts her alot....i know tat isnt hat she wan so thats why i asked her this question(are u sure u wanna make this decision?)lots and lots of time.and she told me yes....since she insisted,i have nothing much to say.decision is hers.what i can advise her is once decision is made,make sure u don regret....though she may look happy outside but she feel lost inside...now i believe that she can look for someone better.

today,i took cab to school coz i was extremely late for school...i was suppose to be in school at 7.20am but i lay on the bed till 7.10pm.omg....i quickly packed up my stuff and took cab and reached school abt 7.55pm....i wore very formal today due to a presentation.it is unlike the usual presentation...later in the evening,we(max,hannah and i)went to play pool at cuppage....

i was thinking whether should i go back brunei or not...i really miss home.miss my parents and grandma...i am sure they miss me too...but go back need $$...wat should i do???

abt jmd,i didnt go jmd for quite a long time coz got lots of test last few wks...this wks i got assessment...die lo....i really need to practise.....next two wks i am going to haf my exam...i think i will do quite badly this semester coz i am slacking...die....

happy birthday to me...

2006-03-05T01:26:00.000+08:00

my birthday.....countdown

on friday i worked till 11pm.wedding again....sing fu de ni ren....i practised on my gripping and i realised that i really need more practise...after that i call dear dear...then i decided to go look for him coz many things are bothering me....so i spoke to him abt my problems.i passed 12mn in the train...dear dear gave me a necklace...shocked....coz i told him not to buy anything...then we discussed on other matters...my tone changed and eyes went wet while discussing abt those things...i really dun know what i should do....i went home abt 3pm.

on the actual day,i am supposed to meet dear at 12pm but in the end i met him ard 1235hrs....i tried calling him few times on the phone but cant get thru him...i am pissed off that time coz i was very hungry that time...when i finally got him on the phone i was so cool....then after that we went to bugis to have our lunch....then we decided to watch movie....before the movie....i saw 'someone'.i was so shocked when i saw him there at that time(in which i shouldnt be seeing him at that time).i was very angry coz he is there wif his friends and not his gf???i nearly cried....and really confused...should i tell my friend that i saw her bf there??what should i do??then i went to watched big mama house2.....not really concentrating coz was thinking abt many things at that time.....at the end of the show,i cried coz very touching....sianz....cry again....after that go shop ard the suddenly found a box in my bag....inside got bracelet and earrings....omg.....he bought it for me again???omg.....thanks dear....dinner was at pizza hut....after that went to dear's friend bbq.chit abit wif his german friends....after that we were at mac chatting....trying to settle my friend's problem....when we told her that we saw his bf,she was shocked also....and cried....

to my dear:thanks for spending the day wif me...i wan you to be urself...i believe in you.i believe in my own eyes...to me,honesty is the best policy....being together is a matter of trust....can i put all my hopes into u and be with you now and forever?i know i do love you more than i expected...hope this will last forever...

advance birthday celebration wif kkl....

2006-03-01T10:30:00.000+08:00

so many things to write....

last sat and sun i worked as banquet at shreton hotel.wen intro me in de....sat i worked till 12am and as for sun i worked till 2am...the nxt day,body aching(rigth side).well,i think i really need to earn $ so i think i will work for quite long.both of the days,the functions are wedding...so sing fu....wehn i got to see the bride and the groom...so sweet......wonder when will be my turn standing on the stage and become a sing fu de wife...hmm....think too much le :p.

on mon,i studied at school wif the rest of the kkl member.i didnt haf much energy to do things coz my right side is aching....after studying,we went to bishan and we took neo print...the neo print is wif max...it is really a rare chance that we can go out and take pic together..i ..i bought a e-oh(dun know how to spell) for hannah and the rest was complained.after that i went to cck meet brendy for dinner....and we went k-box after dinner.we sang till 11pm...

on tues,my birthday celebration wif kkl...i reached early...i waited at cuppage for abt 10min.they bought cake for me and it is a chocolate cake somemore....very delicious....we took a lot of pic and max took video of us...each of them got special dedications for me.i was very touched.after that we went to play pool till ard 8pm..then go lau pa sa eat dinner...how i wish dear was there but he got things to do.i really miss him coz didnt see him for few days le...after eating at lau pa sa,we went to singapore river and chat abit and watchewd the video that max took...after that we went to tcc and chat...on the way back home whhile listening to graduation by vitamin c,i cried...i was very touched by what they did...thanks kkl for making my 21st birthday so special...knowing u guys is my greatest gift...thanks a lot....

to kkl:
graduation lyrics
And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And then we got real cool
Stay at home talking on the telephone with me
We'd get so excited, we'd get so scared
Laughing at our selves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

1 - As we go on
We rememberAll the times we
Had togetherAnd as our lives changeCome whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can we ever find a job that won't interfere with a tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

Repeat 1

La, la, la, la…Yeah, yeah, yeahLa, la, la, la…

We will still be friends forever
Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

tiring day....

2006-02-23T14:25:00.000+08:00

on tues,i am supposed to go cwp but in the end,we didnt go coz i was very tired and weak....feel very dizzy during lab...yesterday,after school,i went to study with dear at woodland point...at 1st,we were ok de but then when we had dinner,we didnt say a single thing...both of us very quiet....i tried to talk to him but he refused to talk so finally i give up so i also didnt talk..i was thinking to talk to him again but i really haf no idea how to make him talk again...but in the end,he started to talk to me again coz i looked as if i am angry...hehe...sori dear....after that,we went back to study and i was there fa dai-ing...

clinical lab test in coming soon and also follow by research test....clinical lab theory test is on 8 march and research is on 9 march...sianz...not in the study mood now coz next week is break wk...hehe...starting this sat i will be working as a banquet.hopefully it turns out well....my birthday coming....tues i will be celebrating it with the kkl group at wild wild wet....i nvr been there before.looking forward for this day to come...

yesterday isnt my day....

2006-02-21T10:34:00.000+08:00

past few days....

on sat,in the morning i went to jmd.we learn foot work and i went off early coz join max and ann to study.we are supposed to meet at 12pm but delayed until 1pm then meet up.we went to haf lunch then to study at mac(dun know where)..some ulu place.wahahah......then we dismissed ard 6 to eat our dinner.we chat for abt an hr+.then i met dear to sudy again...so stress...

on sun,max,hannah and me went to ann's house to study again...i and max meet 1st.on the way to ann's house we did smth very stupid....putting to different headsets wif the same song and different rhythm...we stayed there till quite late...later in the night,we haf dinner wif ann's family.her mum actually interviewed each of us....oh....actually planned to meet dear but its too late le so didnt meet up.i couldnt sleep well coz nxt day is bio pract test...

on mon,bio prac test!!!!it was sucks.at 1st p-lanning to score A but in the end after the test....i was disapponted.lots and lots of careless mistake....in the evening,i met dear for dinner...then we watched pink panther...that show was stupid lo....very funny.....after that we went to mac to sit a while then i found out that i LOST my hp...i and brendy wnet back to the cinema to look for it but couldnt find.how???how should i tell my sis??how should i tell my parents???i think i haf no choice but to buy a new line...anad also phone...thinking to sign line or use prepaid card??sianz.....

valentine's day..

2006-02-16T19:08:00.000+08:00

on valentine's day itself,i bought myself a pair o new shoe whih cost abt $26.it is time to change my image coz i been thinking to change image for a long time but dun know how and finally i got an idea.an,max and hannah gae comments and i started to slowly change.it is for my own good also.now i got to watch wat i eat...esp in school coz ann they all have been controling my diet..sad coz cannot eat chocolates and also ice cream any more....:(.after my class at 8pm,i met dear dear at woodland.i saw him with a green plastic bag and i tot it will be a soft toy(small bear) but when i opened it,i was very shocked coz he actually bought for me roses(in which i told him not to).wah.....got very touched.then he said he wanted to go to cold storage to buy smth so i acc him then meet brendy and wj..he didnt meet them first coz he doest want to be light bulb...hehe...on the way to cold storage,he gave me another thing...i was extremely shocked when i received it.it was a mp3..omg....unbelievable.really cant believe that he actually bought it...at 1st i tot he give me a thumb drive but when i saw the word 'mp3' i was stunt...then i asked him how much and he refused to tell me...i asked is it more than $50 but less than $100 but and he gave me a very forcecul smile then i was like oh no.....it must haf costs moer than $100..i finally knew the price yesterday.we went to mac to eat our dinner coz all the places were full of pp.we planned to eat at kfc or pizza hut but in the end dun wanna wait so end up at mac....after dinner,we went to the playground(in which i think there will not be lots of pp)but we saw lots of couples....we talked and chat till ard 11pm then go home coz he needs to go home do his hw..

i feel that he shouldnt have buy so expensive things for me....thanks for everything and this is my 1st valentine's day wif him...my birthday is coming....yeah....coming 21yr....old liau..:(.i will be celebrating it wif ann there all on 28 feb and siew there all on wed nite....(i think).on my actual birthday,i think i will make myself free(hopefully he can also) :).at 1st wanted to booked chalet but as i think dun wan la coz need lot of effort.y not celebrate it in a more simple way and have more fun...

plans for tml

2006-02-12T14:41:00.000+08:00

tml after school i am going to watch movie 'i am not stupid2'wif either ying ying or anson(all of us are in the same lab class but ying ying didnt talk to him).of course i wan both of them to go but ying ying said she will consider 1st...at 1st,my original plan was going movie wif kian hou but he suddenly said he cant make it coz he got ca on wed so plan was cancellled but now find other pp to watch wif me....coz dear dear watch wif his friends le.a lot of pp said that movie is great.max told me that it is very touching...ann and hannah watched until they cry...i wondered will i cry tml...haha....hopefully no. recently nn group is back again...so happy to see all of us back together again..eat lunch and chit chatting and even encourage each other.now not only the nn group is back,we have addition pp in the group..which is max...he is ann's alarm clock..haha...he is the one who encourages ann to attend all the lecture for all the modules..esp morning lecture.he is our part of our jie mei...hehe...he has many other names like maxie,ming ming,toh ming ming and ni ren...wahah....sometimes we(ann,hannah and me)fight over him coz each of us wan him to sit beside us during lecture....sometimes i think he is very ke lian...coz got bullied by us...wahaha...his books are full of drawing coz no matter who he sits besides,each of us will left a drawing in his books...

bio pratical coming up...

2006-02-11T23:18:00.000+08:00

i will be haviong my bio prac on 20 of feb but until now i havent start.still have a lot to study.how??recently not in a mood to study...valentine's day is jus two days away...hmm....wonder what will dear buy for me???but i dun wish to get anything from him...as long as he treats me well,i satisfied le.dun wan him to waste $ to buy flowers.for me,flowers die easily and it is a waste of $ to buy.sometimes i wonder
1)am i worth him spending so much $ on me?
2)am i affecting his studies?
3)am i adding into his burden?
4)am i being unreasonable?
5)am i selfish?
6)am i a demanding?

there are other more questions but i only tot of these few for the time being...maybe i think too much la...but i know u bring a smile in my face.thanks..

feeling down....

2006-02-10T15:09:00.000+08:00

is there something wrong wif our relationship?i realy dun know.i am really sick and tired of going ard searching for Mr.right.i dun wanna get hurt again....i really wish that u are the one that i can be wif but are you ready for any relationship?i really dun know what decision should i make.if i said i wanna go on,i really scare the end result will be like before.if i decide to break,is this really what i want?i really dun know how...can somebody help me?i know,the only person who can help me solve the problem is myself....i dun wish to start a relationship which i think there isnt any outcome.maybe what i told myeslf is true.i can be a good friend but i cant be a good girlfriend...at first i decided to start a relationship with u coz i believe u will be the one who make my life shine again.haiz..........what can i do???should we take tis oppurtunity to cool down and think over what we really wan or should we jus be friends only??i am trying not to put so much hope onto you and today then i realised that i actually do put lots of hope into this relationship and u.

problem solved...things go on...

2day shs was giving out valentine day flowers.i put a note then got a flower...rose lagi...wah....very nice.red colour some more....then i saw jennifer...a friend that i knew from attachment...i gave her the red one and exchange for a pink one instead.pink one also ot bad but now almost like death flower coz it follow me wherever i go....wahah....whole day was very down until i settled the problem.

chingay 2006

2006-02-06T13:42:00.000+08:00

friday was chingay review at orchard...i wasnt very hgh that day but when it came to the actual day,i went super high...wah...so many pp.but the sad thing is on the actual day,i rained quite heavily and all of us went under the tree...luckily it stopped wehn we were abt to performed.all of us were so high.we were playing 'tagobushi'(dun know how to spell) and took some pic wif the japanese pp and also other pp from other float...during that night after the parade,we went back to jas and haf a supper(also jmd reunion dinner).all of us seems to be enjoying ourselves...i can feel that steve is trying to make this event a great one.he recorded the event and took lots and lots of pic....i hope this event can be a memorable one..but too bad,we were not given chingay t-shirt this yr...the t-shirt was better than before.i was chingay t-shirt!!!!!yesterday haf meeting at civic centre(woodlands) then study for whole day..wanna die lo coz there are lots to study...today hs2034 presentation...hmm....going on quite well(i think).lecturer didnt comment much...dun know good thing or bad thing.jus now wne tot sumo house again to eat lunch with ann,joanne,yan ni,max and hannah.we saw a traffic accident at junction of amk bus interchange.one of the bus over-turn and i cant image how's the driver.all the glasses all over the floor...omg...as for the other bus,it isnt as terrible as the one tat over-turned.the front of the bus gt bang quite seriously but i think the driver didnt injured much(from my point of view).

i wanna watch 'i m not stupid2'.who wanna watch wif me???going crazy abt this show....

chinese new year in singapore

2006-02-01T12:20:00.000+08:00

this is the 2nd time i celebrated chinese new year in singapore but this year was a it different coz i dun spend it wif my own family member.2day before chinese new year i had reunion dinner wif my sis.then the next day wif brendy,wj and james before i went to tampines.we cooked spagetti but it doesnt turn out to be what i tot it is..hehe...a little unsuccessful.need more improvement...

yesterday went to steve and dear dear house...melissa,lynette,lina and chermaine went to steve house too.we met selphie and oz at his house too..chermaine,selphie,oz and steve played mahjong.while the rest of us,sang karaoke...guess what kind of song we sing?we sang english and chinese oldies...they seems like enjoying themselves alot...after that we took cab to dear house...we played ps and comp games..his house is really full of entertainment.even got comics...

today got jmd...yeah..few more days chingay 2006.looking forward to it...happy chinese new year to all my friends in brunei and in singapore.i miss my friends in brunei.this year i am unable to to back coz i dun have much holidays...i really miss the times when we go pai nien together...miss those days...

emotional gal...

2006-01-24T10:46:00.000+08:00

ytday got nag by my sis again...y am i so weak this time?while she is nagging,my eyes were wet...i was thinking when can she stop coz i am trying to hold my tears back.so after she stopped,i cried.cant she understand that it isnt that i dun wanna spend more time wif my family when they were here amth agao.it is jus that i haf attachment and was tired after attachment.usually pp will tend to be talk less when there are tired,isnt it?y do u tend to compare between me and her?it isnt that i dun wanna talk to u,jus that i scare words that i use will hurt u unknowingly...things that i tot of before,u ,may think that i nvr tot of it before.sometimes i do wish u can consider my feeling.y do i get so stress up?it is becoz i dun wanna disappoint the whole family...i wanna get good results...to achieve a good result isnt as easy as i tot it is.i got very disappointed when i got the 2nd attempt...i wanna try my very best to clear everything by the 1st attempt but i jus cant.everytime lab test,i always hafta take 2nd attempt.do u think i feel good to have that kind of result?am i stressing myself?i will tell u,i did...different pp have different ways of relaxing method...for u,it is to stay at home watch tv but for me,it isnt.for me,relaxing method is to go to a more peaceful place and relax my mind...when i am at home.i will stress myself to study.

thanks,dear fro been a good listener and always be there for me and there to cheer me up.don think too much la..i like the way u are.jus be urself...

things that happen...

2006-01-22T12:54:00.000+08:00

many things happened...in which i don wish to mention again...i dun know how to express myself...feel very lost.dun know where i stand....dun know what exactly i wan..many things were running through my mind...feel very confused..haha..maybe i tink too much...haiz....dun know what i am talking also.haha........

think too much....

2006-01-09T13:13:00.000+08:00

maybe i did thing too much.maybe things wont be in this way if i didnt think so much.sometimes i jus don know what i am doing is right or wrong.i really don know am i making the right decision in expressing myself.many things can change in a day time but i know that no matter what happen we are still friends.sori if i said smth that hurt u...have i changed??maybe i did but i didnt realised...ann,if u need help i will be there for u.dun wori...we are still friends.whatever u dun udst,u can ask me.u will not be lonely coz u still have me and max.hehe....we will share wif u whatever we know...we jia you together.maybe all these happen is bcoz i think too much...

first day of school till today..

2006-01-06T18:57:00.000+08:00

i am actually looking foraward to go to school again coz got to see my friends esp the close ones like ann,joanne and yan ni.but the first day doesnt seems to go so wel coz it wasnt what i expected it to be.why i feel the distance in between me and ann?what happened between us?we seems to talk only a few words after whole day together.i feel so extra when i walked wif her in a group wif other friends.when i was talking to my dear abt this,i cried.i don know why.....maybe i still cant believe that that was the truth.nowadays i seldom talked to u(ann)coz i need time to accept the fact that we are jus two different world.give me some time to tink though what i actually wan to do.no matter what we are still friends.

yesterday was kinda surprised when i knew that dear went to nyp.before meeting him,hannah,max,yan ni.joanne and me went to amk to eat japanese food(sumo house).after that we went to cash converter.yan ni bought a camera for only $6.hannah and max went back school an hr before us coz they haf meeting.then the three of us shop at popular.on my way back,i met dear a while before going lab lesson.on my way to the lab class,i accidentally knock on someone's leg when i opened the door of the shopping arcade.i did say sori but i think she didnt hear it so in the end i think her friends scolded at me.haiz...forget abt it la.after lab,we(brendy,dear and i)went to bugis to haf our dinner...kfc again.actually wanted to got burger king but it was raining so end up at kfc.we went sim lim square after that coz dear wanted to buy a dvd drive.

today i missed my tutorial at 9am.i reached school at 10am then joanne asked me why did i missed my tutorial then i know that i missed it.i didnt see the timetable properly.later at the afternoon i lost my lanyard but in the end i found it coz when i went for my lecture at 5pm,kevin gave it to me.then i asked him how come its wif him then he said i dropped it.thank god it isnt lost coz if it is lost then i got to replace a new lanyard which coz $5 or more(i guess).what an unlucky day..later going to watch chinese orchester at school.amelia i performing....

sad to say that my presentation are coming up so i need to be sacrify my saturday morning to go for meeting.my presentations are at the end of the month and earky nxt mth...i need be more serious now coz this semenster is getting tougher.i got to tell myslef that i cant skip lecture...mus really jia u...

year2 sem 2

2006-01-03T10:37:00.000+08:00

it has been a mth i didnt update d my blog.what happening last mth was i haf attachment for the whole mth and my parents came to singapore for their vacation.i feel bad coz i hardly find time to acc them.i miss them alot.i miss jmd too but i think i am lagging behind.starting this sem i got to really arrange my time.i really need to jia u in my work and jmd.i am happy to see my friends this semenster again coz i was so afraid that i will repeat my module...thank god.

to dear:thanks for making my christmas day and new yr eve so meaningful.thanks for being there for me all these time.time past real fast..in this one mth time,many many things happened.good and bad...what i concern abt now is present and future.noone know what will happen to us in the future but i know that u are really trying ur very best to make this realtionship stay long..i am glad to know that.thanks for everything...a song dedicate to u..

thank god i found you
(Mariah)
I would give up everything
Before I'd separate myself from you
After so much suffering
I've finally found a man that's true
I was all by myself for the longest time
So cold inside
And the hurt from the heart it would not subside
I felt like dyingUntil you saved my life

(Chorus all)
Thank God I found you
I was lost without you
My every wish and every dream
Somehow became reality
When you brought the sunlight
Completed my whole life
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
Cause baby I'm so thankfulI found you

(Joe)I would give you everything
There's nothing in this world
I wouldn't doTo ensure your happiness
I'll cherish every part of you
Because without you beside me
I can't survive
I don't wanna try
If you're keeping me warm each and every night
I'll be all right
Cause I need you in my life

(Chorus - all)
Thank God I found you (I'm begging you)
I was lost without you (so lost without you)
My every wish and every dream (every dream, every dream)
Somehow became reality
When you brought the sunlight (brought the sunlight)
Completed my whole life
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
Cause baby I'm so thankfulI found you

-Bridge- (Mariah & Joe)
See I was so desolate
Before you came to me
Looking back I guess it showsthat we were destined to shine
After the rain to appreciate
And care for what we have
And I'd go through it all over again
To be able to feel this way

(Chorus - all)
Thank God I found youI was lost without you (lost without you baby)
My every wish and every dream
Somehow became reality
When you brought the sunlight
Completed my whole life (whole life)
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
Sweet baby I'm so thankfulI found you

(Chorus - all)
Thank God I found you
I was lost without you
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
My baby I'm so thankfulI found you

(Mariah)I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
My baby I'm so thankful I found you

life of a plant is beautiful.

2005-12-02T10:36:00.000+08:00

plants cant live without water,
without water,they will die,
a death plant is useless,
on the other hand,
a plant that is watered everyday will not die,
it will stay healthy,
which will we choose?
a death or healthy plant?
why not give myself a chance to keep the new plant alive.

watched harry potter.

2005-11-29T13:01:00.000+08:00

ystday supposely watched harry potter at ps at 7pm but in the end we watched at cine at 8.40pm.sori guys.sori for all the sudden change in location.sori....during the movie,i got frighten few times.y i got frighten so easily le?i used to be very calm watching exciting movies but don know what happened.no comments abt harry potter.i got a bit touched and frightened.so overall..hm...ok ba.the movie end at abt 11pm then we reached hm abt 12+.kinda nvr expect james will be joining us too.the more pp,the merrier..my nxt movie is chicken little but as i think maybe nxt wk or the wk after then watch coz i am bankrupt.i will nvr watch movie at wkends coz it is very expensive.unless pp treat me la...then different case.wahah....nxt wk vtp but nxt friday i supposely having mornign shift but due to exam in the morning,i nd to change shift in the afternoon but no one can change wif me coz most of the afternoon shift friends of mine will also be taking the exam in the morning.who can i change shift wif?time passes real fast coz dec already.last yr december i celebrated my christmas wif anna.as for this yr,most probably celebrated wif my parents.

thanks james for the chocolate.i am real touched.thanks for so understanding and considerating.i actually tot u will get angry but u didnt.

stomach pain.....

2005-11-28T10:13:00.000+08:00

the other days went clubbing wif jmd friends.i was having lots of fun.we went to wendy's house to rest a while before going to to jmd on sat morning.we slept for abt an hr and took cab to school.all the seniors look very tired.later in the evening when i reached home,i slept till the next day abt 5am then was lying on the bed and refused to wake up soo in the end sleep till abt 11.30am.lol...slep more than 12hrs.later i am going to remedial lesson at 4pm till 6pm then after that brendy,me,wj,kian hou and mei ling go to ps and watch harry potter.hope it will turn out to be nice...

my supp paper for hs2037 is on 9th dec.it is during my attachment.i think i am going to replace it on sat again.sianz...feeling a little unwell today.body feels very weak..shit...here it comes again.

finally day of isp but results are out..

2005-11-25T17:06:00.000+08:00

today results are out.it isnt wat i expected it to be.i expect to pass everything but in the end i got one failed.i failed my hs2037.i was so shocked when i knew it.it is really unbelievable.wat can i do?y do i did so badly this sem?is it becoz i stress myself too much till i got such a result?do i deserve such a results?i think i don coz i studied quite hard for my hs2037 and hs2082.why do i forever get a c+ in my bio?jus don understand.is nursing really wat i wan?i really don know.i am happy to help them but when it comes to study,i am so damn lousy.i am kinda unsatisfy wif my results.another things that cheer me up is today is my fional day of attachment.feeling so relax after 5 days of morning shift.i got my isp results.i passed,which means i can go vtp on dec.later i am going clubbing wif jmd and friends.1st time..i wonder how is it like.hmm...yesterday went to watched zathura.it was ok.very adventurous...last nite went home at abt 10+pm then did my case study.cant really slept coz i was thinking abt my results.hope i can pass my hs2037 supp paper.pray hard that u all pass every modules.

a wk in nuh..

2005-11-20T12:08:00.000+08:00

still haf another wk to go....time passes real fast.i hope i can pass this ISP then go for VTP wif my classmates.during this ISP,i meet two friends from diffrerent group.they are friendly.nxt wk i will be the only NYP student in the ward but the good thing is time passes real fast when there are lots of things to do.i met one ITE student too.nxt wk i aill be working wif her.now i am working on my case study...sianz..i hate doing case study coz need to do lots of research.i can go watch movie after my attachment.i wanna watch ZAthura......who wanna go watch wif me?

haiz...sianz...

2005-11-13T12:47:00.000+08:00

i really don know what she wants from me.she said she wont object me looking for a part time job.then i told her that i found a part time job and she is talking so much.what does she wans from me?sometimes i really don know whether did she treat me as her sis or not.she always said i didnt treat her as sis but i always did treat her as my sis.cant i have make my own decision in things i do?whatever happens,i bear the responsibilities.i jus hate to follow whatever they haf planned.this will makes me feel that i am forever a kid and cant make decision on my own.i understand that watever that she planned for me is for my good but i jus don like to things that i don like to do.y cant i choose to do things i like to do?everything is like organised for me,in which i hate it.if i really wanna do it,i will make the first move.it is no use if u keep on forcing me when i am not ready for it yet.i hate to compare with other pp.y does she like to compare between pp and me?y does she wanna compared within herself and me?i jus don like it.does tis shows that she is jeolous coz i got to study in singapore at my age?isnt she is the one who encourage my mum to let me study in singapore and now she is jeolous?i really don know what she wans from me.if i haf a choice,i will choose to work after sec 5 and all this wont haf happened.i don like arguement.i didnt argue wif her.i jus let her say whatever she likes to say.mouth is hers and i cant stop her from saying.i know whatever i say has no power coz i am still her sis.she wins...she wans me to talk more wif her so i did but sometimes words that i said are jus simple meaning but for her it is offensive...y??maybe thats one of the reason why i didnt talk much wif her...i scared i will say anything wrong again.i jus hafta bear wif it.after all,she is my sis.it is not use if we argue and end up to be enemy.to her,i know u are tired after work,u must also consider my feeling.don jus release the stress by nagging me.this will makes me haf low esteen on myself.word thats u said hurts me unknowingly.if i didnt treat u as a sis,i wont even care what u said and wont even mind.pls consider others feeling.i know u haf high confident level and high esteen but others don have.u cant force pp to be the same like u.wat u think ismt wat other pp think.i jus wan a simple life,where i can find peace.hope u can understand(i kno u will not see this.i jus wanna express what is in my mind).

feeling different...

2005-11-10T12:52:00.000+08:00

everything started to change slowly.i realised that i need to polish my english.my english is becoming weaker and weaker.yesterday i went to school to look for mentor and one of the lecturer.i got scored once i got into her room.from there then i know that my english is sucks...well,i don blame her for scolding me.i can understand that she jus wan be to improve more on my english and be more responsible in things i do.i can say that i need to talk mpre in english than in chinese.after that i went to look for my mentor.i went to tell her that i passed my retest and then she gave my one coloured pen.at first she wanted to give me a bookmark but she couldnt find it so in the end give me a pen.wat a nice mentor...after looking for mentor,i stayed at school library waiting for the time to go cca.cca started at 6pm.long time nvr go cca due to exams and sick.later at the evening,cca started and i feel there is alot of difference.y?is it becoz i nvr go for such a long time and i miss out a lot or is it becoz i am the one who changed?usually i am more hyper and talkative but yesterday was different.i didnt talk much to them.i cant find any conversation talk to them.i feel lost and like don know what's happening.where is my enthusiamsm?but i am happy that danny and shiang ming still come back to teach us(though there graduated).i learned new dance steps yesterday...long time nvr dance.
on the way home,james call me up and we chat a while.he said he called jus to ask me what is the cause of headache coz he was having a bad heachache.sometimes i think he is cute.not long after i reached home,my sis came back.she show attitude again.i don really bother.the day before i got lectured by her.brendy also cant take it(she was trying to sleep).
later i am going to class outing.long time nvr join them for outing.my last outing wif them was at sentosa.we haf a lot of fun tat time.
tml going steamboat.i wonder who is going other than me,brendy,julian and wen jun.so sad siew and s.thin cant go coz they will be having their exams starting next wk.wish them all the best and good luck.ganbatte!!!other than them,those of my friends studying in ntu and nus,good luck too.
i will continue wif my ice cream job this sat and nxt wk.if the lecturere didnt schedule me to go for attachment next wk,i will be working or the whole of nxt wk except wednesday.if she scheduled me on the 21th of nov.i will be on attachment for 6wks in nuh...yeah...can go attachment again.hopefully results will be out nxt week...i started to wori abt my results.hope this time i can aim at least more B'c than C's.

sad things...

2005-11-07T14:13:00.000+08:00

i am supposely at brunei now but unfortunately i got to went back to singapore to take the retest today.why???when i abt to depart yesterday,i was so touched coz few of my good friends send me off.i nvr expect them to be there.so touched.another unexpected is i met one of my smss senior at the flight.at first i cant recognise him until i saw his side view.today kinda happy coz the retest today was kinda easy and the practical went on smoothly.i didnt touch my book since last mth.yesterday jus flip through coiz no mood to study.i was talking on the phone till abt 12.30am.i enjoyed talking to him.though we talked crap but still enjoy la...hmm....while talking,i watched i haf adate wif the vampire part3.it is getting more and more excited.tomorrow is my mama bday.happy birthday...i feel bad coz spending ur $flying back to and fro like that.i will study hard to eat more next time after i graduate.

jian tan ai-jay chou

2005-11-02T17:57:00.000+08:00

shuo bu shang wei shen me wo bian de hen zhu dong
ruo ai shang yi ge ren shen me dou hui zhi de qu zuo
wo xiang da sheng xuan bu dui ni yi yi bu she
lian ge bi ling ju dou cai dao wo xian zai de gan shou
he bian de feng zai chui zhe tou fa piao dong
qian zhe ni de shou yi zhen mo ming gan dong
wo xiang dai ni hui wo de wai po jia
yi qi kan zhe ri luo
yi zhi dao wo men dou shui zhao
Chorus:
wo xiang jiu zhe yang qian zhe ni de shou bu fang kai
ai neng bu neng gou yong yuan dan chun mei you bei ai
wo xiang dai ni qi dan che
wo xiang he ni kan bang qiu
xiang zhe yang mei dan you
chang zhe ge yi zhi zou
wo xiang jiu zhe yang qian zhe ni de shou bu fang kai
ai ke bu ke yi jian jian dan dan mei you shang hai
ni kao zhe wo de jian bang
ni zai wo xiong kou shui zhao
xiang zhe yang de sheng huo
wo ai ni ni ai wo
xiang~~ jian! jian! dan! dan! ai!~~~~~
xiang~~ jian! jian! dan! dan! ai!~~~~~

tell me wat i wan....

2005-10-31T21:33:00.000+08:00

there are many things that is in my mind but i don know how to express it.sometimes jus don know wat i really wan from myself..i don even know what am i thinking right now.no one knows not even myself...to friends that cares abt me,i kno u guys are concern abt me.jus don wori...things will be settled soon.give me some time ba....to those i lied,i jus wanna tell u that i haf my own reason in doing this.i feel bad in lieing to u also...hope u understand.

stress...

2005-10-30T12:21:00.000+08:00

everyone mus haf their own reason in doing things.some of them prefer to keep in to themselves but some it is better to say it out.i am sori in making u guys wori abt me esp siew.i m ok now.i realised that yesterday i am stressing myself too much until my mood was totally down.i really had pressurising myself alot.y am i pressurising myself so much?it is becoz that day before i am really confused abt smth.i have been questioning myself many many questions..one of it was can i be a good nurse?i felt that i am useless bcoz i can felt the pain that they are facing.feel that i am useless.but now i am okmle...don wori...

tml bio exam...and i am still here blogging?haha...later than go back study.now abit sianz...

got nag by her again...

2005-10-23T11:53:00.000+08:00

does she really know what i am thinking?i guess she dont.whatever things i did is wasting $ and time.everytime she thinks i go out play but does she really know what i did?she nvr tot of the reasons y i don wanna stay at home and study.different pp haf different ways of studying method.does she expect me to study the same way like she does?sometimes i really don know what she actually wans...

good friends are there to help each other when we are in trouble,
after all these yrs,
those sweet moments we have is unforgetable,
for me,
i treassure every moment we have together as good friends,
the happiness and laughter we have is forever in my heart,
they can nvr be erased,
can our friendship continue?

today whole day nvr study.keep on drifting away.i jus cant focus on my my upcoming exams.what am i thinking?i jus wanna sleep.i know i cant sleep at this time coz exam is jus few days away.am i too stress or nervous abt my exam?am i pushing myself too hard until no i am fade up already?

later the evening many things happened.i finally know whats going on all this time and also i am happy to know that she is no longer angry wif me...other than that,when i top up my hp,i sudden received a msg saying that i got 300 free smses...wah....cool.today i got my pay.it was more than i expected...so happy.the final things that makes my day great is i don kno why i will smile automatically when thinking of smth...(hm...is this the sign and symptoms?).

to my good friend...

2005-10-21T16:24:00.000+08:00

after all these time,i wanted to talk to u in msn but nvr see u online or either ur status is busy.i don know u are trying to avoid talking to me or u are really busy doing smth.r u still angry wif me?i know u are quite upset now.i wanted to be there to comfort u but i really don know should i do that or not coz i think i am the cause of this thing.sori if i am really the cause of such ending.i felt very guilty abt that.how can u forgive me?maybe i give u some more time for u to settle down ba...maybe time will tell that is he really worth u loving him so much...i really wanna kno are u still angry wif me...if u are,pls let me kno.

sleep whole day..

2005-10-20T16:32:00.000+08:00

yesterday was my final day of work.i am going to stop working for i think two mths coz starting next wk i got exam and followed by i need to go back to brunei.when i ended yesterday,i feel like working for few more days but as i think i better not coz examz are jus rd the corner.today sleep whole day....i jus woke up.i don plan to study today coz i am really really tired.i don wanna get so stress up.tml then i study wif siew.i don know why many pp after their 1st day,they wanna quit but as for me,i am getting more and more enthu abt it.hm....is it bcoz they cant take such a difficult job?hm...though it is kinda difficult esp pushing the trolley from many storey but it is fun esp when u hit target.wah...yesterday my sales is above 100.1st time,solo above 100.the day before my sales was 180 coz 2pp.i guess u guys wont understand also but i am going very enthu abt this job..ok.i think i mus concentrate in study now.

hope this time de exam i can do well.i really wish i can get a better grade than last sem.every in shs must ganbatte...

tiring days...

2005-10-18T11:22:00.000+08:00

lately i worked at the evening selling ice cream.everyday reach home abt 11pm..so late...actually i planned to quit after yesterday but as i tot...tis is one way of earning $.why not jus take this opportunities to earn as much $ as possible.nxt wk is my exam...haiz.....thinking abt it...i got to wake up every morning at 9am to study.after 5days of selling ice cream,i got two bruises and 2scars on my right hand..the scars is due to the dry ice..stupid dry ice...the bruises,i don know where does it come from.sad...i really wish after my exams i can continue work but unfortunately i got to go back...but going back isnt a bad thing also coz i got to eat home cook food...hehe...miss the food so much...

feeling very bad...

2005-10-14T15:04:00.000+08:00

yesterday morning i studied for an hour then online.then after that went to cck food court eat my lunch then study there...i spent my day studying Hs2037.while doing the pas yr question pp,i talked to myself and become aggressive over things that i don kno how to do without realising that there are pp looking at me...so after i kn that i went away.so pai seh....later the evening i went for my 1st day selling ice cream...it is kinda fun but kinda tiring...15min before 9.30pm..i sat down taking a rest.they is one very nice customer,she offer me a weekend part time job...hm...i can considering abt it,it is at sentosa...but need to interview 1st.i am supposely meetng james for dinner at 9.30pm but we ended up having dinner at 10.30pm.i felt so bad coz he waited me for an hr and he ended up get scolded by lots of pp and moreover there are many thing that he still need to do....i felt so bad....after that,we went home.i was so tiring...i think i am going to be sick soon coz went under the rain.

today wake up as usual at 9am then 10am online to do some research...i think i am getting the sign and symptoms of being sick...i do hope i don fall sick at this time coz exam is rd the corner...now ending to be blogging coz i cant take it anymore coz i try very hard to study but cannot absorb...so take a break.later i am going to work again...

i really mus ganbatte coz i don wan to make my parents wori.i wan to them that i can manage my study even i work.though kinda tiring.i kno how hard they work for my education so i don wan them to haf so much burden.they still haf to pay fees for my younger sis.since i am big enough to earn $$$ on my own, then y i need to be their burden.

happenings lately....

2005-10-12T11:56:00.000+08:00

nth much happen lately...i study for few hours at home then join siew they all study again....i really wan to take a rest but time is very liminted for me...i got to work hard now.if not i will be lacking behind.am i forcing myself to study?last fews days i got nag by my sis again.she said i am too quiet and something like insult my 'chu chun sing'.she said i so quiet,no wonder cannot get bond la.in my mind i was thinking,is there a link between this two things?whether the hospital wans me or not has nth to do wif whether i am quiet or not leh...ok forget it.i realised one thing.she likes to compared me wif other pp,in which i really hate it.to me,me is me.nth to compared.i am jus myself...she can even compared me wif my younger sis.i know i am quiet and nvr ask...but thats me.i nvr ask coz i know that whatever they do haf their own reasons in it.am i too soft hearted?i think of the consequences but do they know what i am thinking?jus don know how to make her understand what i am thinking.sometimes it isnt that i don wanna talk to her,it is that,the more i talk,the more she she thinks she is always right.sometimes she can even ask me questions that i don know how to answer but she wans an answer.so i rather talk less to reduce trouble.actually,i feel much more happier when i am wif friends than at home so somtimes i rather stay home for quite late than staying at home.maybe to me friends are impt but for her it isnt so we totally haf different views.sometimes she even say things that is 'so called' insult my friends but what can i do...i can jus keep quiet.i am not complaining that she is bad but i jus think sometimes she is jus too much and too selfish.she didnt thinks of my feeling when she said that...but i understand that she say me is coz she wans me to be good la...

what am i?i really don wan my own right ma?

2005-10-08T19:47:00.000+08:00

my sis said i don think of consequences.actually does she know what i am thinking?i actually tot of the consequences but when i decided to make the decision,my parents stop me from doing it.that time i went back to brunei for a wk coz i decided not to go back during november.i planned to work part time in singapore so that i will not waste their $ for my air ticket since december they are coming over to singapore.at the meantime,i can have some pocket $ of my own.but now when i finally found a part time job,they disallow me to work.i don wan to become their burden.i don wan to always depend on them.i really wan to make an effort to do things on my own and decided what i wan to do.after all,working isnt a bad thing.i know my life here isnt as simple as in brunei so i decided to depend on my own to earn some $$ but y they jus don understand y i make such a decision?one person supporting the family is a very tough thing.i jus wanna help decrease her burden but working.now i got to think of what my sis and what my parents feel.y cant they jus think of what i feel?i feel terrible esp when my sis and my parents wan different things from me.don i have my own right?today i received a call from my parents and they said that they are going to buy me an air ticket back to brunei(in which i don really wan to go home coz i think of the consequences).y do they have to do things that i don wan to do?it is not that i don miss home.it is that i don wan increase their burden.now i am lacking behind by two wks.i don wan them to know that i am lacking behind.i nvr tell them that i failed one of the subject coz i don wan them to wori so much.i tried to be tough but i kno i isnt as tough as i tot.can amyone understand how i feel?i don even have my own rights.what can i do in order to pleased both my sis and my parents?i kno both side have their own reason in doing but y cant they jus listen to my reason?

sukae sushi day

2005-10-07T12:50:00.000+08:00

yesterday after 1hr+ of practical lab,i have 3hours of break.at first we decided to got to amk to eat kfc but wen wen don wan so we ended to go bishan sukae sushi..we ate buffer at sushi sushi..before going sakae sushi,we have a hard time calling for cab coz they are five of us...in the end,there was a nice cab uncle willing to bring us to bishan in his taxi...inside the cab,we talked abt what is we got caught by police,etc..very funny.then we reached sakae sushi...time to eat...we ate alot until we unable to finish up the fruits.supposely got 2udon mee(include in the set) but all of us are too full so nvr order.after tat,we went to shop abt...this is the 1st time i so pai seh....i cant stand all of them...after that we went to take neo print...it is all 'comedy-like'.all of us siao siao...design until very funny.on the way back to school for clinical class,we took 2cabs coz no nice uncle willing to take 5 of us in a cab.we reached school jus in time.during the class,my stomach weird weird de...maybe eat too much la...later the night after class,i went home,i tried to study HS2037 but i found out that i have to memorise the whole book...many things to memorise...sianz...i hate memorising.

celebrating james's bday.

2005-10-06T11:00:00.000+08:00

nxt wk supposely i got attachment but i cant go coz i fail but good thing also coz i got time to study for my upcoming exam.yesterday went to school at 12pm then finished early at abt 1+.after that ann,li wen.hannah and i went pool while waiting for the guys to go pepper lunch together.li wen said she doesnt kno how to play but in the end i think she score alot.at abt 3+,all of us gather and we went to eat pepper lunch..the iced lemon tea is great.after that at 1st ann wanted to go eat mos burger but i said i m full so ended up all of us going on our own way.i treated james eat pepper lunch coz his bday(advance bday gift).hehe...after that we go kino and watch movie 'corpse bride'at woodlands.actually i tot that movie is comedy like but ended up to be romantic and so touching.i learned smth from that movie.the lesson i learned is whatever is not urs will not be urs,we jus need to kno how to let go.the movie is so touching...a little bit funny and scaring.the worst part is the gal suddenly popped out and i got frightened a while..haiz...but overall not bad la.no regret in watching it.after that we go buy mini cake and go cold storage to look out for the price for 'lindt chocolate' for siew.when i saw the price,i was shocked.it is really expensive...if a guy buy me such an expensive chocolate,i will be so touched and will not know how will i react to it.after that we went to mac eat the cake...wah..long time nvr eat cake le(esp chocolate cake).so delicious...we sat at mac until cant stand the environment coz many pp smoke.then we decided to go back to causeway point taking fresh air.after that went home.what a day...i actually do enjoyed myself.

last week of the semenster...

2005-10-03T14:14:00.000+08:00

this is the last week of the semenster...next wk everyone is going for attachment except me...haiz. don wori.i am ok.within that two wks i really haf to study for my exam which is at the end of the mth...after exam i am thinking whether i should go back home or not.coz my parents will be coming over at dec.if i go back,air ticket quit expensive.if i don,wat am i going to do in singapore for a mth?though life in singapore is entertaining but i still prefer life in brunei.maybe my thinking is entirely different from my sis.maybe in her world,life is much complicated.mine is much more simple.tml i haf psycho test.now having headache..oh no...maybe getting too stress.siew ask y i sound so relax...hm...am i?i dn kno.what has happen to me?i am getting very slack...don know if i can make it through this semenster.ganbatte ganbatte...i can do it.

maybe nurse isnt wat i really wanna be..

2005-09-29T17:32:00.000+08:00

it has been a yr + i studied in nyp.there are times where i really like and times where i don like it at all.at first i don kinda like nyp coz of the study environment.it is totally different.but as time goes by,i started to like it coz of cca and the course itself is getting more and more interesting.well,now i don know y my eyes will go wet when i am chatting wif james abt what happen two days ago.i nvr expect that i will cry.i think i am too emotional leh.though i look tough but actually i am really very upset that i cant go for attachment.maybe i really don suit to be a good nurse after all.what is there a use when i am good hearted,patient and caring when i cant do my practicals well??cant pass the module means cannot go attachment?haiz...when got attachment i don wish to have attachment.when don have,i really :(.what happen?have i put all my hopes into nursing?i must be tough.cannot be so weak....jia u.

haiz....sad things.

2005-09-28T17:06:00.000+08:00

hm....how should i start?well,yesterday i got my bio pract test results and i got B+.but at the late evening miss eliana told me that i failed my hs2057.how can that be?i don even know where i go wrong and kinda couldnt expect that.i cant go for attachment at oct.i got to retake the supp theory paper and retake assessment at wk 17(though i passed).it is really unbelievable.i wanna find someone to take to but couldnt find any.really feel like crying yesterday.in order to forget abt this happening,i keep myself busy by doing my hs2036 presentation.i kinda disappointed coz cant get to go attachment.maybe i am looking forward to the attachment.haiz....don mention again la.

well,i need to really ganbatte.jus take it as i having a break.well now at nus lab wif james,a friend that i knew from siew.he is very funny lo.he asked for my blog address.but i didnt wanna give but but he go yahoo serach under 'siao shs brunei girl' and by luck he found it lo.so so so unbelievable.now waiting for siew to fininsh her class at 6pm then we go EAT.now a bit hungry.after that,we go study again.

not a burden at all..

2005-09-26T15:07:00.000+08:00

my dearest friends,whoever is in trouble i will try to help.it is not a burden for me.though i myself do have some problems that cant be solve but still i will find ways to settle it.there is always a solution to a problem.well,maybe it really takes time ba.to me,friends are always there to help and share problems.don be afraid to tell.i will try my very best to help.eventhough i cant help much but at least i did my part.glad that u didnt get angry wif u for giving u a hard time.

now very damn tired coz yesterday sleep for abt few hrs.to be continue....zzZZZ

cant things be solve?

2005-09-23T17:18:00.000+08:00

esp to ann,i m not helpng her say words.i am jus trying to make u two get back together.i know u are really upset abt this matter.i don wan to lost both close friends of mine in singapore.i really don wish to see that to happen.though i don usually share my problems wif u guys b4 but i now i did.i admit that i have been spending my time wif jmd friends more than u all.ann,no matter what,u don have to stay away.i understand how u feel coz i felt the same way when i got hurt but one of my closest friend.if u really cant take it,jus call me.i will be there lending u my shoulder.if u feel much better,u cry ba.thats wat friends are for.though we knew each other for abt a yr plus but still treasure our friendship.don wori.we will be friends forever.though u might not believe that there are true friends but jus wanna let u know that the moment where our friendship starts,i will remember ever moment we have together and the joys we have together.

no matter what your decision is i will still treat both of u as my close friends.i wont leave both of u two alone.we are friends...i don wish to lose both friends.friends are there to help u when u have problem.when u two end up like this,i am also very sad coz i tot of the times when we were together.y this things happen when i am trying to get more involve into the nn group?things really cant be solve ma?i really wanna help but how?

as for my good friend cases,i really wanna have a talk wif her over things but jus cant get to talk to her.i really wanna know what's happening between we two?i know i lied but i admit i did.i really wanna know what she is thinking now.have she forgiven me or still angry wif me?though i am still abit angry wif what she actually did but if we can jus talk things out and get things sort out,i think i will forgive her.i realy don wish to see that we actually end up to 'fan nian'.i don wish to lose u as a close friend and also i don wanna lost a friend.both are my friends...well,if u really make ur decision in choosing him,then i cant stop u.i am not asking u to choose,it is that i jus wan u to make the right choice before ur final decision.for me it is ok if u choose him coz as long as i know u are happy,i will be happy.i don wish to see u sad abt him after u make ur decision.some pp may think that i am trying to be 'wei ta' but actually i am not.thats the way i am.

i don know if u guys will read my blog or not but i hope u do coz at least u guys u know what am i thinking.sometimes words really hard to say from mouth.

is there such thing as good friends and best friends?

2005-09-20T12:39:00.000+08:00

many things happen between me and my friends.and i am very depressed.whoevr can help me settle this as soon as possible...i really confused.what should i do?i feel like crying.i have being treated like a dummy by her.who am i to her?good friend?she can do that bcoz of a guy she nvr meet before?then whats our friendship for?our friendship is nth as compared wif a relationship?though i admit that i did lie to her,but at least i tell her.i angry wif her coz she said smth that really hurt me and i really think hou sing mei u hou bau.not only that,she used me to test smth...how can she?she think i am a dummy?do u think it is fun playing this kind of game?being treated like a dummy and i don know anything at all?do u know how terrible i feel?if normal friend,i wont mind but she is my GOOD FRIEND LEH.i don really don know what should i do.so confused...i really don know who should i trust.should i jus forgive her or jus break our friendship?now my thinking is since she can did that bcoz of a guy,i really have nth to say.since he is so impt to her then jus forget abt our friendship and continue loving him.since u said i make ur relationship bad then jus treat it as i am bad gal.i cant control what u think.i really don wish this is the ending but i really don know what to do to rescue out friendship.there are few things that i can do.firstly,it is to break our friendship.second,maintain as friends but not that close.3rd,i choose to believe in what the guy said.fourth,both parties also become my enemy.i don wish to lost both parties coz both of them are my friends.haiz..i really don know what to do.feeling so lost.i am really disappointed wif my good friend.still get very hurt by her.as for the guy,hope u can cool down and listen to my explaination..this are the things that i wanna tell u but jus don know how to tell u coz i know u still angry wif me.this things make me so 'fan'for days and i cant even concentrate in studying my upcoming test on thursday.

as for my friends in singapore,i really don know what happen between them but i really don wish to see them like that.i wanna try to help but i dare not involve coz i learned a lesson from above.i really hope u two(ann and jo)can jus sit down and discuss abt ur problem.talk things out.things can be solve.don u know what u guys end up to be like that i also very sing tong?though i didnt say much but i actually very 'fan'abt whats going on abt u all.friends that often hang around can end up to be like that jus bcoz of a guy?does it worth?ann,i asked u one thing,jus think for urself.for example,if i asked u to give up on andrew bcoz i don like andrew,will u?of course i know u wont,rite?coz u really love him.though u said in this world there isnt such thing as forever but there is such things as present.as long as this moment he said he love u,he really do.so me as a friend,i still got to accept him as ur bf and wish u happy.this apply to what happen between u and jo.i am not against u or what.if i did hurt u,i apologise.i jus wan u to know the concept.i really don think it is worth losing a friend jus becoz of a guy u bu shuang only.now since you have make ur decision in not talking to jo,i also can do nth coz thats ur decision and can do nth abt it.ann,hope u understand that i am not trying to hurt u or what.

y do so many things happen these days?i really hope i can jus free my mind and don think.so confused.can someone be there lending me ur shoulder and be a listener?i really feel like crying and depressed.suddenly feel so lost.can anyone understand my difficulty?

good things and bad things..

2005-09-16T14:11:00.001+08:00

good thing is i pass my assessment.though i don think i deserve a pass coz i did lots of mistake but i still pass la.now hopefully ann will pass her second atemp on tuesday.to ann,don think so much.everything will be jus fine.jus forget abt the past and think of present and future.think ahead.i understand that each pp have their own point of views but no matter what happen between us.we will always be friends coz once friendship start and will nvr end...tressure our friendship now or u will regret in the future.though sometimes u think that they might be happier w/out u around but maybe that isnt what they think leh.nvr assumed.this is only my point of view.ann hope u don get so upset abt this matter.we will be there if u need us.that's wat friends are for.

bad news is i am having many many problems.mostly on friendship.one is as mention above.no one would like to see their friends get hurt in any way.friends are there to help out when facing problems.sometimes being too helpful can lead to misunderstanding between friendship.can a relationship be more impt than friendship?sometimes i really wonder.if i were to choose between freindship and relationship,which will i choose?now i finally understand y pp can flirt so much.breaking up isnt the only solution to every problem.jus have to talk things out.things can be solve...that's my point of view only.if breaking up is the only decision,i will choose to respect them.i cant do nth also.what i can do is to wish u happy.

2005-09-16T14:11:00.000+08:00

lets close case

2005-09-14T10:12:00.000+08:00

since u don wish to tell who you really are.lets forget abt this matter.i don bother who you really are and what you write.i don wan this to influence my study.u can keep on becoming ur anouymous and i don wanna bother.lets close this case and jus forget abt this matter.don mention it anymore.

sometimes i jus don know whether to be good pp or bad.sometimes being too nice also no good.pp will tend to think differently.pp who knows me quite well will know what kind of pp i am.i jus don wish to see pp argue and quarrel jus becoz of a small matter.small matter can be solved.i really find that there is no meaning in argueing.one of them jus have to give in.must know how to forgive.

who is u??

2005-09-12T14:14:00.000+08:00

to whoever the anoynous person is who are you?why do u wan me to have misunderstanding between me N gin?i really don know what's ur motive in doing it.if u are willing to tell me who u are,i wan to know ur reason what ur motive in doing this.if u able give me a good explanation,i will just forgive u if u surrender.pls don let me find out who u really is.if u let me know earlier,u maybe forgiven.maybe i did say smth wrong and u can tell me personally.i really don wan things to go on like this.this wont turn out to be good.lets settle this matter by myself.if u are against me,jus say.i rather u tell me the truth then i always make the mistake.PLS....PLS....if u wanna make trouble,make trouble wif me and don pull my other friends into trouble.they are innocent...

to whoever it is,i really wish to know who are u.if u don dare to say who are you,maybe u can jus send me a mail or sms or tell me personally who u are.i don wanna play guess.neither do i wan to play hide and seek.if u dare to say things that u know it hurts,y dont u dare to tell me ur personality..u know urself who u really are.things cant hide long.i rather u tell me urself than i find out myself.

though u didnt say anyhting abt me and her but most pp tot the person who is writing those comments are her.i know it wasnt her.pls...i don wish to lose a friend.i know u might be one of my friend in jmd.i also don wish to have conflirt between u so y cant u jus tell me who are you and forget abt this matter?i don wan things to get worst.

CAN EVERYTHING JUS BE SETTLE?I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE.I KEEP ON ASKING MYSELF WHO ARE YOU?LET ME KNOW WHO EXACTLY ARE YOU.