Monday, October 31, 2005
there are many things that is in my mind but i don know how to express it.sometimes jus don know wat i really wan from myself..i don even know what am i thinking right now.no one knows not even myself...to friends that cares abt me,i kno u guys are concern abt me.jus don wori...things will be settled soon.give me some time ba....to those i lied,i jus wanna tell u that i haf my own reason in doing this.i feel bad in lieing to u also...hope u understand.
| a simple day. 9:33 PM
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Sunday, October 30, 2005
everyone mus haf their own reason in doing things.some of them prefer to keep in to themselves but some it is better to say it out.i am sori in making u guys wori abt me esp siew.i m ok now.i realised that yesterday i am stressing myself too much until my mood was totally down.i really had pressurising myself alot.y am i pressurising myself so much?it is becoz that day before i am really confused abt smth.i have been questioning myself many many questions..one of it was can i be a good nurse?i felt that i am useless bcoz i can felt the pain that they are facing.feel that i am useless.but now i am okmle...don wori...
tml bio exam...and i am still here blogging?haha...later than go back study.now abit sianz...
| a simple day. 12:21 PM
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Sunday, October 23, 2005
does she really know what i am thinking?i guess she dont.whatever things i did is wasting $ and time.everytime she thinks i go out play but does she really know what i did?she nvr tot of the reasons y i don wanna stay at home and study.different pp haf different ways of studying method.does she expect me to study the same way like she does?sometimes i really don know what she actually wans...
good friends are there to help each other when we are in trouble,
after all these yrs,
those sweet moments we have is unforgetable,
for me,
i treassure every moment we have together as good friends,
the happiness and laughter we have is forever in my heart,
they can nvr be erased,
can our friendship continue?
today whole day nvr study.keep on drifting away.i jus cant focus on my my upcoming exams.what am i thinking?i jus wanna sleep.i know i cant sleep at this time coz exam is jus few days away.am i too stress or nervous abt my exam?am i pushing myself too hard until no i am fade up already?
later the evening many things happened.i finally know whats going on all this time and also i am happy to know that she is no longer angry wif me...other than that,when i top up my hp,i sudden received a msg saying that i got 300 free smses...wah....cool.today i got my pay.it was more than i expected...so happy.the final things that makes my day great is i don kno why i will smile automatically when thinking of smth...(hm...is this the sign and symptoms?).
| a simple day. 11:53 AM
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Friday, October 21, 2005
after all these time,i wanted to talk to u in msn but nvr see u online or either ur status is busy.i don know u are trying to avoid talking to me or u are really busy doing smth.r u still angry wif me?i know u are quite upset now.i wanted to be there to comfort u but i really don know should i do that or not coz i think i am the cause of this thing.sori if i am really the cause of such ending.i felt very guilty abt that.how can u forgive me?maybe i give u some more time for u to settle down ba...maybe time will tell that is he really worth u loving him so much...i really wanna kno are u still angry wif me...if u are,pls let me kno.
| a simple day. 4:24 PM
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Thursday, October 20, 2005
yesterday was my final day of work.i am going to stop working for i think two mths coz starting next wk i got exam and followed by i need to go back to brunei.when i ended yesterday,i feel like working for few more days but as i think i better not coz examz are jus rd the corner.today sleep whole day....i jus woke up.i don plan to study today coz i am really really tired.i don wanna get so stress up.tml then i study wif siew.i don know why many pp after their 1st day,they wanna quit but as for me,i am getting more and more enthu abt it.hm....is it bcoz they cant take such a difficult job?hm...though it is kinda difficult esp pushing the trolley from many storey but it is fun esp when u hit target.wah...yesterday my sales is above 100.1st time,solo above 100.the day before my sales was 180 coz 2pp.i guess u guys wont understand also but i am going very enthu abt this job..ok.i think i mus concentrate in study now.
hope this time de exam i can do well.i really wish i can get a better grade than last sem.every in shs must ganbatte...
| a simple day. 4:32 PM
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Tuesday, October 18, 2005
lately i worked at the evening selling ice cream.everyday reach home abt 11pm..so late...actually i planned to quit after yesterday but as i tot...tis is one way of earning $.why not jus take this opportunities to earn as much $ as possible.nxt wk is my exam...haiz.....thinking abt it...i got to wake up every morning at 9am to study.after 5days of selling ice cream,i got two bruises and 2scars on my right hand..the scars is due to the dry ice..stupid dry ice...the bruises,i don know where does it come from.sad...i really wish after my exams i can continue work but unfortunately i got to go back...but going back isnt a bad thing also coz i got to eat home cook food...hehe...miss the food so much...
| a simple day. 11:22 AM
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Friday, October 14, 2005
yesterday morning i studied for an hour then online.then after that went to cck food court eat my lunch then study there...i spent my day studying Hs2037.while doing the pas yr question pp,i talked to myself and become aggressive over things that i don kno how to do without realising that there are pp looking at me...so after i kn that i went away.so pai seh....later the evening i went for my 1st day selling ice cream...it is kinda fun but kinda tiring...15min before 9.30pm..i sat down taking a rest.they is one very nice customer,she offer me a weekend part time job...hm...i can considering abt it,it is at sentosa...but need to interview 1st.i am supposely meetng james for dinner at 9.30pm but we ended up having dinner at 10.30pm.i felt so bad coz he waited me for an hr and he ended up get scolded by lots of pp and moreover there are many thing that he still need to do....i felt so bad....after that,we went home.i was so tiring...i think i am going to be sick soon coz went under the rain.
today wake up as usual at 9am then 10am online to do some research...i think i am getting the sign and symptoms of being sick...i do hope i don fall sick at this time coz exam is rd the corner...now ending to be blogging coz i cant take it anymore coz i try very hard to study but cannot absorb...so take a break.later i am going to work again...
i really mus ganbatte coz i don wan to make my parents wori.i wan to them that i can manage my study even i work.though kinda tiring.i kno how hard they work for my education so i don wan them to haf so much burden.they still haf to pay fees for my younger sis.since i am big enough to earn $$$ on my own, then y i need to be their burden.
| a simple day. 3:04 PM
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Wednesday, October 12, 2005
nth much happen lately...i study for few hours at home then join siew they all study again....i really wan to take a rest but time is very liminted for me...i got to work hard now.if not i will be lacking behind.am i forcing myself to study?last fews days i got nag by my sis again.she said i am too quiet and something like insult my 'chu chun sing'.she said i so quiet,no wonder cannot get bond la.in my mind i was thinking,is there a link between this two things?whether the hospital wans me or not has nth to do wif whether i am quiet or not leh...ok forget it.i realised one thing.she likes to compared me wif other pp,in which i really hate it.to me,me is me.nth to compared.i am jus myself...she can even compared me wif my younger sis.i know i am quiet and nvr ask...but thats me.i nvr ask coz i know that whatever they do haf their own reasons in it.am i too soft hearted?i think of the consequences but do they know what i am thinking?jus don know how to make her understand what i am thinking.sometimes it isnt that i don wanna talk to her,it is that,the more i talk,the more she she thinks she is always right.sometimes she can even ask me questions that i don know how to answer but she wans an answer.so i rather talk less to reduce trouble.actually,i feel much more happier when i am wif friends than at home so somtimes i rather stay home for quite late than staying at home.maybe to me friends are impt but for her it isnt so we totally haf different views.sometimes she even say things that is 'so called' insult my friends but what can i do...i can jus keep quiet.i am not complaining that she is bad but i jus think sometimes she is jus too much and too selfish.she didnt thinks of my feeling when she said that...but i understand that she say me is coz she wans me to be good la...
| a simple day. 11:56 AM
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Saturday, October 08, 2005
my sis said i don think of consequences.actually does she know what i am thinking?i actually tot of the consequences but when i decided to make the decision,my parents stop me from doing it.that time i went back to brunei for a wk coz i decided not to go back during november.i planned to work part time in singapore so that i will not waste their $ for my air ticket since december they are coming over to singapore.at the meantime,i can have some pocket $ of my own.but now when i finally found a part time job,they disallow me to work.i don wan to become their burden.i don wan to always depend on them.i really wan to make an effort to do things on my own and decided what i wan to do.after all,working isnt a bad thing.i know my life here isnt as simple as in brunei so i decided to depend on my own to earn some $$ but y they jus don understand y i make such a decision?one person supporting the family is a very tough thing.i jus wanna help decrease her burden but working.now i got to think of what my sis and what my parents feel.y cant they jus think of what i feel?i feel terrible esp when my sis and my parents wan different things from me.don i have my own right?today i received a call from my parents and they said that they are going to buy me an air ticket back to brunei(in which i don really wan to go home coz i think of the consequences).y do they have to do things that i don wan to do?it is not that i don miss home.it is that i don wan increase their burden.now i am lacking behind by two wks.i don wan them to know that i am lacking behind.i nvr tell them that i failed one of the subject coz i don wan them to wori so much.i tried to be tough but i kno i isnt as tough as i tot.can amyone understand how i feel?i don even have my own rights.what can i do in order to pleased both my sis and my parents?i kno both side have their own reason in doing but y cant they jus listen to my reason?
| a simple day. 7:47 PM
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Friday, October 07, 2005
yesterday after 1hr+ of practical lab,i have 3hours of break.at first we decided to got to amk to eat kfc but wen wen don wan so we ended to go bishan sukae sushi..we ate buffer at sushi sushi..before going sakae sushi,we have a hard time calling for cab coz they are five of us...in the end,there was a nice cab uncle willing to bring us to bishan in his taxi...inside the cab,we talked abt what is we got caught by police,etc..very funny.then we reached sakae sushi...time to eat...we ate alot until we unable to finish up the fruits.supposely got 2udon mee(include in the set) but all of us are too full so nvr order.after tat,we went to shop abt...this is the 1st time i so pai seh....i cant stand all of them...after that we went to take neo print...it is all 'comedy-like'.all of us siao siao...design until very funny.on the way back to school for clinical class,we took 2cabs coz no nice uncle willing to take 5 of us in a cab.we reached school jus in time.during the class,my stomach weird weird de...maybe eat too much la...later the night after class,i went home,i tried to study HS2037 but i found out that i have to memorise the whole book...many things to memorise...sianz...i hate memorising.
| a simple day. 12:50 PM
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Thursday, October 06, 2005
nxt wk supposely i got attachment but i cant go coz i fail but good thing also coz i got time to study for my upcoming exam.yesterday went to school at 12pm then finished early at abt 1+.after that ann,li wen.hannah and i went pool while waiting for the guys to go pepper lunch together.li wen said she doesnt kno how to play but in the end i think she score alot.at abt 3+,all of us gather and we went to eat pepper lunch..the iced lemon tea is great.after that at 1st ann wanted to go eat mos burger but i said i m full so ended up all of us going on our own way.i treated james eat pepper lunch coz his bday(advance bday gift).hehe...after that we go kino and watch movie 'corpse bride'at woodlands.actually i tot that movie is comedy like but ended up to be romantic and so touching.i learned smth from that movie.the lesson i learned is whatever is not urs will not be urs,we jus need to kno how to let go.the movie is so touching...a little bit funny and scaring.the worst part is the gal suddenly popped out and i got frightened a while..haiz...but overall not bad la.no regret in watching it.after that we go buy mini cake and go cold storage to look out for the price for 'lindt chocolate' for siew.when i saw the price,i was shocked.it is really expensive...if a guy buy me such an expensive chocolate,i will be so touched and will not know how will i react to it.after that we went to mac eat the cake...wah..long time nvr eat cake le(esp chocolate cake).so delicious...we sat at mac until cant stand the environment coz many pp smoke.then we decided to go back to causeway point taking fresh air.after that went home.what a day...i actually do enjoyed myself.
| a simple day. 11:00 AM
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Monday, October 03, 2005
this is the last week of the semenster...next wk everyone is going for attachment except me...haiz. don wori.i am ok.within that two wks i really haf to study for my exam which is at the end of the mth...after exam i am thinking whether i should go back home or not.coz my parents will be coming over at dec.if i go back,air ticket quit expensive.if i don,wat am i going to do in singapore for a mth?though life in singapore is entertaining but i still prefer life in brunei.maybe my thinking is entirely different from my sis.maybe in her world,life is much complicated.mine is much more simple.tml i haf psycho test.now having headache..oh no...maybe getting too stress.siew ask y i sound so relax...hm...am i?i dn kno.what has happen to me?i am getting very slack...don know if i can make it through this semenster.ganbatte ganbatte...i can do it.
| a simple day. 2:14 PM
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